Do you ever feel like its enough?

The last few weeks have brought me some time to think. This last week has been especially open to thinking with my family gone. I think I am bugged by this nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough. I wonder if "my efforts" are going to make a difference. Will my ideas or leadership or encouragement or experience really make a difference in the life of these students? Maybe my wonderings has been brought on by seeing how some of my former students are doing spiritually.

A few have little to no interaction with the local church. Some are in leadership positions, but I am not sure they are living the way they are called to live. A couple have made one or two poor decisions and are now being "outed" by the local church leadership.

I understand that spiritual growth does not happen overnight. I understand students are learning who they are and what they believe. I understand these teenage years are extremely challenging. I understand I can't force them to do the right things. I understand all of this, but I still wonder.

Did I pray for them enough?
Did I challenge them enough?
Did I encourage them enough?
Did I support their family enough?
Did I show them I cared enough?
Did I really know them?
Did I teach them enough?
Did I give them enough opportunities to grow their faith?
Did I only entertain?
Did I ...

No wonder I've had a tough time being "there" when I have been around people lately. I have been putting the weight of people's eternity on my shoulders. I have tried to carry the burden all on my own.

Am I feeling defeated? Maybe :)

Have I wondered if I can be a good YM? Yes, at times. Will I continue to serve the local church in this capacity? You bet.

I know God is working. I know God can take hold of a teenager's life and form it to be like Him. I am aware that no one will be perfect. I try to remember that forward progress will/can include setbacks.

How do you handle times where you question your ministry?

family away

This week has been very different for me. My wife and boys went for the week to visit grandparents and others. Thus leaving me with the dogs. I thought I would use the time to go to a few more games and events than normal. But to no avail - all the vball games this week are away and the one baseball game got rained out. I was able to attend the JV football game and a soccer practice.

It is amazing to me just how quiet the house is without anyone else there. Not to mention the amount of boredom. I have really been working on being present for the boys and my wife when I am home that when they are not there I don't know what to do. I consider this a good thing. :)

Just thought I would post about how cool it is to be bored at home. It is encouraging to know that I enjoy spending time with my family that I don't like it when they are away.

citywide event

Its been a long time without writing. Some reasons (got new computer at work, only dialup at work, too much stuff to do at work :), and time with family).

I wanted to write about my first "citywide" event. It was one of five 5th Quarters we have during the school year. Since I am the new YM (one of the only YM in the area, if not the only) in town, I was asked to speak at the first 5th Q. I said yes, of course. It was a lot different than I expected. I had been to a handful of other 5th Quarters, but never been in charge or spoke. In a town of 2,000 people - over 400 youth turned out! Let's just say I didn't expect to speak to that many young people (6-12 grade, plus a few college).

I got 10-15 minutes to speak (which was tougher than I thought to put it into that timeframe). The theme was "igniting the fire" so I got to speak on giving your life to Christ and was pumped about that. I wanted to talk about so much more, but narrowed it to the theme with hopes that the next speakers actually speak on their topics.

A few highlights (some might not be considered highlights, but just memorable)
1. Making over 400 young people sit on the parking lot while I talked to them (that's a way to make lots of friends)
2. Before I started one of the guys in the band (local band with teens I know) told me to use this one specific mic. He told me to trust him and it would be worth it. I know this guy good enough to not trust him. It turns out he wanted me to use the mic with the "alvin effect" on it. Thought it would be funny for me to have a high-pitched voice since most of the crowd had never seen me before. Well, after much "work" to get it working, I tried it out. You the response I got, about 6 people laughed. :)
3. I held the mic and that made using my hands a little difficult. It also made holding the notes with Scripture on them a little more difficult.
4. For the first few minutes I kept hearing the "alvin effect" in the speakers. It turns out the mic was still on and kept picking up my voice and coming through the speakers. It was pretty annoying for me.
5. It was dark.
6. At the end I said "I pray you ignite the fire and burn brightly" and then just walked off stage. I guess this caught a few people off guard. Everyone just sat there waiting for me to do something else. When they realized I was done, everyone at once stood up and went back to whatever they were previously doing. A few people commented on it afterward.
7. Got a few chances to hear people's thoughts on said message.
8. Had one of the senior girls (who had to leave 5th Q before I spoke) make sure she saw me and told me she was leaving, but she wanted to stay and hear me. Told me she was hoping I did well and thought I would. It was encouraging to have that support from someone I've only known for 3 months.


I was reminded that I still don't know about 99% of the youth in this area. :)

football

Tonight is the first home football game of the season. My family is planning on going to the game (hoping my 10 month and 2 year old enjoy it). I expect to see a lot of people I know and hopefully meet a bunch of new people (and remember who they are later).

Today, I went to the school during the first lunch period. For some reason I usually feel awkward going to a high school lunch. Today was no different. None of the youth knew I was coming and so the first question was "What are you doing here?" I still have not figured out if that was a bad or neutral question. It was really good to get to see them and hang out with them for a bit. I got to meet a few new students, hopefully I'll remember them next time. Since it is a small town here, it will be fairly easy to go to the school and visit.

Very little interaction with anyone else on staff today. So, its been very quiet. Just the way I don't like it.

welcomed but fully connected?

I have been thinking the last few days about my part in the ministry here at my church. I feel very welcomed and accepted. I feel like I am part of the team, but to what extent? I catch myself feeling like an outsider. Feeling as though I do not belong. Feeling like I am not ready for this. Yet, I feel that things are already happening. I sense God using me to help facilitate changes that draw people to Him.

Are my feelings of being unconnected coming from some insecurity? Are they coming from within me or are they from outside me?

I get the sense that I still have apprehensions about leadership, based on my past experiences. I do not want to assume I will be treated the same way. I have actually been shown I won't be, based on conversations I have already had. Yet, in the back of my mind I wonder. Are people being honest with me? Am I doing the right things? Am I doing what God is calling me to in this particular situation? Have I been open and thoughtful or cold and careless?

All questions that I hope bring me to a stronger faith. Questions I want answers for (though I wonder if I'm ready for them). Questions I pray lead me to a place of stronger, more effective ministry.

Youth Kickoff

Last night was our youth kickoff for this year. (Though the youth meetings don't start back up til the 10th)

We had a good time. Planned on doing some swimming and scavenger hunting, but all week it looked like impending rain. How uneasy it is to have a plan B that doesn't cost any money (since our plan A, mentioned earlier, didn't cost anything). It rained during church and a little during the day, but not enough to stop the kickoff (praise God!). This was the first kickoff I've done where we split the jr. high and high school up for part of it. One group went to one house and the other to someone else's house. Then after eating and swimming, we came together at a third location for worship and smores. The teen actually enjoyed the scavenger hunt (I was a little surprised at this). They had to find ingrediants for their pizzas. Whatever they found, they could use - including plates and drinks. Some groups hit jackpots (one got homemade pizza sauce and oreos) and some just got the basics. It was a little tough to see that a few houses got hit by 6 or all 7 groups. Meaning they were asked 7 times if they had any shredded cheese or plates.

Overall the night went well. It was nice to be there and have a part, but not be the "go to" guy. The youth ministry team leaders were the "go to" people and that freed me up to spend more time with the youth and build relationships. Only a few snags in the night. One involved bathing suits on girls (at the other house I wasn't at) and one involved not having driving directions. We were on our way back from the final destination and I was supposed to be following the other church van (b/c I had no - and I mean NO - idea where I was). Well, let's just say everyone else had gone home by time we got back to church. We were not even out of the driveway and the other van was already what seemed like a mile down the road. This is out in the country, with no street lights. Well, we lost them and had to "find our own way." We got back safely, but a little frasseled.

A little different, but I think it is part of the memory making moments we want to provide the youth, right?

One other good note - I got the "go ahead" for a new computer. Though, I still don't know what that means. Do I go and get the one I want (knowing I will want something that will last a few years) or do I go and get the one I can get by with? I'm going to try for the "one I want" as long as I have justification for its use.

tradition

I am beginning to find out that tradition plays a huge part in why things happen they way the do around here. We are promoting the youth on Sept. 3 and starting up youth meetings Sept 10. (First, I don't know why they stop during the summer, but they do - probably won't be like this next summer) They don't start until Sept. 10, because back when school didn't start until then there was no reason to start meetings before school. But now, school starts sooner. Why not change the start date to coincide with the start of school?

The kids have already been in school for a week now and they don't get promoted to the next grade for two more weeks. How frustrating this must be.

I asked in a meeting this week about why we have "age appropriate" adult classes (not that they are bad) and was told that this is how it has always been done. Is everyone too afraid to change things? Is there a reason to change it? Does anyone even think about that possibility?

Am I trying to cause a problem where there is none? Or am I hopefully being that voice that makes people think about why we do what we do? I pray it is #2. I want to be the person who says, "Hey, let's step back and look at what is working and what is not working. Let's see how we can make this ministry the best it can be today (not the best it was 25 years ago)"

Is this a problem that comes up whenever you start a new ministry? Or is it more about the location of my ministry?

Preaching

Yesterday I got to preach. It was the second time I've preached here. The first one was the "trial sermon", so this was the first official sermon as a hired staff.

I was nervous. Not sure if it was actually nervousness or if it was a yearning to preach and say what God was laying on my heart. Either way, it caused me to work to make sure I did the best job I could.

I tried a new format for me. I tried to use less notes (going for none). I tried to be more personal and approachable as a preacher.

From what I heard, people seemed to feel they needed to hear the message. God used the words to affect people. Now, my prayer is that they take it to heart and do it. :)

I'm not ready to preach again just yet - still no desire to do it every week. But I feel God has given me the ability to present a message and make it understandable.

minor frustrations

I need to transition slowly. I have to not come in and change everything. I can't fix the problems I see overnight. I shouldn't push my thoughts and ideas onto the people who have been overseeing this ministry for the past few years.

All this I know. But lately it has been tough.

For example, I had a conversation with the youth leaders about changing some things up for our PM classes. We are going to change some things (like keeping points for doing certain things and getting prizes for accumulating a certain point amount). But then the other night at a meeting for our teachers, it was brought up about doing the memory verses just like we always have. this would mean that the children's minister would pick a verse for all ages and the older kids would get a longer version... The verse will have nothing to do with what we are studying and probably not much relevance to their life. So, why would they want to memorize it? They didn't even flinch at the fact that this person was no longer overseeing the jr./sr. high - that I am. But alas is it a battle I want to fight right now? I don't think so. There are far greater things I want to implement. Like having a scope/sequence for what we teach (instead of just coming up with a lesson every week or using the Serendipity Bible if you don't have one ready.) And instituting monthly meetings. These are, in my opinion, far greater to be fighting for. The other more minor issues will and can be worked out later.

starting a new

I have decided to try to post on my transition into a new ministry. Yes, I have been here for about 2 months already, but there is a lot more to come :)

So Starting today I will be posting thoughts/ideas/remarks about how my transition into this new ministry goes. Curious to see how it compares to the first ministry. Will the things I learned over the past 5 years make a major difference on how I start this time? I sure hope so!

I have a job

It is finaly official! I will be moving to IL to start a jr/sr high youth ministry. I am so excited to be getting back into fulltime ministry. More thoughts coming.

2 big things

1. Today is my 5th anniversary. What a great 5 years it has been.

2. We are taking a trip for our last visit to the church in IL. A little excited would be an understatement. It almost seems unreal that the long search/wait process is coming to an end.

quick update

a lot of things are happening (good and bad)

Allow me to just list them for now (not to take away from the emotions that are behind them all in my heart), though I do not like to make lists of things like this.

(in no particular order)
1. My friend who was in ICU passed away last 2 Fridays ago. Because we were on our way to an interview we were unable to make it to either the viewing or the funeral.

2. At that interview we were offered the position and accepted. But we have to go back for another visit and then a week later the congregation votes. (the next visit is this weekend and the vote will be next weekend).

3. With this 99.9% assurance of our move, we wanted to put our house on the market to give it about a month or so to sell. That included lots of work on painting, repairing and cleaning. Most of this was done by my wonderful wife.

4. The first day we had the house on the market we had 4 visits. Another busy day with staying out of the house.

5. That night, we had 4 offers on our house.

6. We accepted one offer and just wanted to move the date of sell. The buyer accepted that change and so we have sold our house.

7. Still without any knowledge of when we might officially be moving and having a job. Not to mention a place to live once we get there.

8. Our anniversary is this Friday. Happy 5 year anniversary!

9. Our oldest boy is now 2 (turned 2 in April)

10. Our youngest is almost 7 months. He is sitting up and really really wants to eat table food.

Lots more to happen in the next week or so. God is good and has watched over us the entire time.

The end of the wait is...

here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Pending another visit which will include me preaching and visiting some adult SS classes and getting to meet more adults. Then the next week, there will be a vote and then we'll know for sure.

I'll post more soon. Need to get back to doing work

worn down

today i feel just worn down, beaten up. Whatever you want to call it. I think my crazy sleep pattern/schedule (go to bed at 9 3 nights and try to get up at 3am three days a week) is starting to take its toll on me. I think I have a sinus infection or something. I don't feel like eating much of anything. I have been up for over 12 hours today and just feel like I could sleep for the next 12 (which would be good because I have to be up at 3am tomorrow).

Plus on top of this, one of our good friends is still in the hospital from a heart attack and things don't look good. So I'm emotionally drained, too.

Just wanted to post and say I am ready to be out of this "valley" and back into ministry. Please be praying for me.

thanks

one week until we visit again

It feels like this has been the longest 3 weeks ever. Even longer than the last three weeks we were at our past church. Well one more week and we will be in IL.

Please pray for our trip. Thanks

closer

We are not a little bit closer to being at a new ministry. We should be going for a second interview at the church in IL. Waiting to get all the details soon (should be today). We are excited about this chance to visit the church again and hopefully it will be the last time before we "move" (that sounds weird, but hopefully we are close)

I feel strange being so much closer to being back in ministry (where I want to be), but its been so long that I have been out (almost 10 months). I am very thankful for the faithfulness God has shown and for the love and support from our friends and family.

Well, I need to go do some yard work. I just wanted to update on our situation and ask for continued prayer as we get ready for the second visit.

the "humor" of it all

Well, what a week I have had. Last weekend, we went for an interview to southern IL. We had a great trip and felt really good about the church and the people. We feel it could be a place we would love to serve. Then, when we got back on Monday we had a message from a church in KY wanting to talk about an opening. I called and talked (and have had a few more conversations during the week) to one of the elders about their position. Yesterday, he asked if we would be able to come up and visit. So, pending a final notice tomorrow, we are going to visit this weekend.

And I got an offer from another church. We are not sure if it is a place God has for us or not. So, now we really need to hear God's voice and trust in Him.

This is where the "humor" comes in. For nine months we trust God to lead us to the right congregation and now we have 3 good places (one for sure and we will know about the other 2 in less than two weeks). God sure does work in mysterious ways.

joy in the daily tasks

Last night, God showed me the importance of finding joy in the little things. I went outside with Nathan to just spend some time together before dinner. While we were out there I started to talk with him about the moon, stars, clouds. Nothing unusual, I try to talk with him about all the things we experience throughout the day. Well, for some reason, he really was interested in the moon. He sat for at least 10 minutes just watching it. It wasn't doing much, mind you. When a cloud would roll in front and cover it up, he would say "uh oh" and turn to me like he wanted me to fix it. As I sat and watched him enthralled by the sky I couldn't help but be encouraged to remember all God has done for me. Everything we encounter was created by God.

I just wanted to pass on a reminder to enjoy the daily tasks of life, for it is in them we see God.

the journey treads on...

Well, I am coming up to my 9 month date for when I was asked to start looking for another ministry. It doesn't seem that long (it seems a lot longer).

A quick update...

Had a job interview last weekend. It went well. Supposed to be talking with the Sr. minister sometime in the next few days.

Have an interview next weekend. Praying for wisdom in both situations.

Sent in an application for an internship.

Later...