Relational Communication

(This article was originally posted on YW Journal, you can read & comment on it here on this blog or over at YW Journal)

When was the last time you had a significant conversation with a student? I'm not talking about the "I want to give my life to Christ for the first time" kind of conversation. I'm talking about the conversation where you hear about a recent fight with a parent. Or the conversation that details a student's struggle to control anger and the desire to get a handle on it. Maybe it is centered around the difficulty of being a Christian example at school.

Having any type of conversation that goes beyond a surface-level can be difficult for many adults. Let's just be honest, teenagers can be very moody and hard to understand, which makes talking with them intimidating to many adults. To make the situation even worse, most adults are so intimidated that the paid youth worker has to carry the responsibility of talking with 100% of the teenagers who come through the church doors, plus a few extra from the community. But there is a better way.

It's not just for paid staff
Paid youth workers are not the only people qualified to have significant conversations with teenagers, in fact any adult can do it. But these significant conversations do not happen by accident, it will take effort and a better understanding of teenagers. First of all, students do not withhold talking to someone just because the person is not a youth worker. In fact, there are many students who are less willing to talk about certain issues with a youth worker than anyone else.

Being on both sides of the youth worker role, paid full-time and volunteer, has given me a new insight into one of the keys to effectively communicating with teenagers. The key is not in asking just the right questions. Nor is the key found in the location of the conversation (ie. better conversation is not had while drinking coffee at the local coffee shop). The key to effective communication with teenagers is having a relationship with them.

A listening ear
This truth became vividly clear to me one day while I was subbing in the local high school. At the time I was not in a full-time youth minister position, but I had been in the area for a few years and knew most of the students in the school. Most of the students knew who I was and they knew one of the reasons I was subbing was because I genuinely care for teenagers. During this particular day, I had three significant conversations with students - the kind of "ministry conversations" every youth worker longs to have with students.

I did not plan to have these conversations, in fact I almost missed one because I was reluctant to stop what I was doing to talk to the student. (I'm so glad I stopped and listened) Since I did not plan these conversations, what made them happen? The only connection between all three conversations was my ongoing relationship with the student. I had known them for years and they knew I truly cared for them and desired the best for their life. My relationship with the student was the key to unlocking significant conversation and that day I was reminded of how much students will share when they know you care.

Build relationships
So, how does an adult who cares about teenagers take advantage of this relational aspect to significant conversations? For starters, if you sit down with a student and its the first time you start thinking about having a significant conversation with them, then its already too late. This relational communication will take foresight and planning on your part. The first step happens when you begin to intentionally focus on building a relationship with the student. Now, this is not a form of manipulation used to get the student to talk to you - if you are not genuinely concerned with the student's life, then they will know and they will not talk to you anyway. You cannot be fake with a student!

Actually if you are involved with youth ministry in any fashion, the desire to build a relationship with a teenager will come naturally. The first step is to take an interest in the student's life; learn about hobbies, family structure, interests, and what they are gifted in. You cannot have an ongoing relationship if you do not know about their life and you will also struggle to carry a conversation if all you can ask is, "How was school this week?" Asking questions about specific aspects of a student's life is important, but do not be afraid to stop and listen to what is on their heart.

The relational key
Being given the opportunity to have significant conversations with students does not involve a mysterious formula or collection of the right "buzz words." The biggest, and strongest, key is simply caring enough about a student to have a relationship with them. Not a relationship based on what the student can do for you or the ministry you are involved with, but a relationship based on one adult showing God's love to one student. If you have that strong relationship and listen to a student, then every once in a while you will find yourself on the listening end of a significant conversation. A conversation that just might change the future of one special teenager.

It does not matter if you are a full-time youth worker, part-time youth worker, a volunteer, a bus driver, or an "extra" adult - if you have a relationship with a student, then they will willingly talk and share with you. Most students do not talk to an adult based on the title that goes along with their name. They talk to an adult based on the relationship formed over the years. Knowing this truth and not utilizing it will lead to dozens (hundreds?) of missed opportunities to speak into a teenager's life.

Free ebook: Tear Down the Wall of the Youth Room

Nick Arnold, from ministryallies.com, has just released an ebook on connecting with students outside of the "church walls."

Here is what Nick has this to say about the ebook:

Looking for a resource filled with creative ideas to build relationships with students? This is a free resource from Ministry Allies full of relational ministry ideas, including hanging out with students, working on projects together, going to cheer on other students together, and a ton of other great ideas.

You can get the eb00k by clicking on the link. Did I mention it's FREE and full of great ideas.


(I had the privilege of being able to contribute a few ideas and comments to the ebook, along with a handful of other youth ministry minded people)

2 Small Group Series Released - Elijah & Trusting God

I'm pretty excited about these 2 small groups. They are the first "stand-alone" small groups/lesson/curriculum material that I've written that's been published in any form other than being printed from my computer. Plus, I love the fact that they have great looking covers (its a shame they are only downloadable).

If you have used these lessons, I would love to hear what you thought.


I wrote a 4 week series on Elijah and its now available for download from Simply Youth Ministry. Follow this link: Elijah Small Group Series to get more information and to download.

Lessons include:

• Week 1 - He Was Confident in God (1 Kings 18:16-39)
• Week 2 - He Battled Fear (1 Kings 19:1-8)
• Week 3 - He Battled Loneliness (1 Kings 19:9-14)
• Week 4 - He Was a Lifelong Servant (2 Kings 2:1-11)

I also wrote a 3 week series on Trusting God and its also now available for download from Simply Youth Ministry. Follow this link: Trusting God Small Group Series to get more information and to download.

Lessons include:

• Week 1: With Your Past (1 John 4:10)
• Week 2: In the Present (Ephesians 4:22-24)
• Week 3: With Your Future (2 Corinthians 5:6-10)

5 Year Youth Ministry Contract: Students (5 of 5)

This is post #5 of the 5 Year Youth Ministry Contract. If you have not already read the first four posts, you'll want to read them before reading this one. Read the introduction first, followed by my thoughts on the youth minister difference, my thoughts on the church leadership & staff difference and then my thoughts on the church membership difference.

In this post, we will look at the difference a five-year commitment would make for the students.

The Students Difference

Anyone who has been in youth ministry for more than a few years knows that the best ministry happens after you have been at the same place for an extended period of time.

This might be the biggest difference of any we've talked about so far. I think the students will greatly benefit from knowing the youth minister will be there for at least five years. Will it make it easy for them to open up emotionally right away? No. But it will make it easier for them to trust the youth minister and know this relationship will last more than six months.

Students are used to people coming in and out of their life, which causes some of them to shut down emotionally and relationally. They do not want to open up and allow an adult to know what they really struggle with if they do not know they adult will be around in nine months. When a student knows the youth minister will be around for years, they do not have to worry about having another broken relationship with someone who claimed to care about them.

Beyond the improvement in the student/youth minister relationships, I think there is an even greater benefit for the students - one they will not immediately identify. In fact, this benefit might be one they are never able to verbalize until well after they are out of the youth ministry. The unidentifiable benefit is the intentional long-range planning for the ministry; including a systematic progression of lessons, purposeful retreats and events and an intentional discipleship ministry. Not to mention the improved ministry of the volunteers, thanks to more training and encouragement.

As students remain with the same youth minister year after year, there will be more opportunities for ministry. When talking with their friends, the students will talk highly of the youth minister and create some instant credibility among their peers. This credibility will allow the youth minister more access to minister to those friends and become a positive influence into their lives. The more students and friends of students are benefiting from the youth ministry, the impact of the youth ministry will increase exponentially. And when a tragedy occurs, the students in the community will know they can turn to your youth ministry for support and direction.

One last benefit comes from a deepening of the relationship between the youth minister and the students. As the relationships grow, I believe it will result in more memories for the students. There will be more opportunities for ongoing jokes, funny moments and more laughter. And this increased joy at youth ministry events will not only benefit the students, but also the youth minister and other adults involved.

Are there negatives for the students?

One of the only negatives I can think of would happen for those students entering high school after the youth minister's fifth year of ministry. They would be entering into a high school ministry ready to minister to their needs, but there would be no guarantee the youth minister will be there for their graduation.



What other differences do you think a five year commitment would make for the students?
Do you think the students would benefit from having a youth minister with this commitment to a local ministry?


Posts in this series:
1. The Introduction
2. The Youth Minister Difference
3. The Church Leadership/Staff Difference
4. The Church Membership Difference
5. The Students Difference

Learned from Twitter: week ending July 11, 2009

What a fun week its been, on and off Twitter. Here are a few of the nuggets of wisdom and wonder I learned on Twitter this week.

1. saraeden (Sara Eden) was blessed by some generous people at her church. These are the people who both bless & humble us as we serve God and students.

"the grandparents of 2 students just offered to write a check for my @nywc registration. Humbled by this church family over and over."

2. riddlegroup (Mark Riddle) shared a great opening line for your next message.

"A great intro to a sermon/talk: "Your job is to take notes, my job is to make that impossible." - Peter Rollins"

3. MarkMatlock (Mark Matlock) asked a great question for anyone with kids to answer. So, what is your answer?

"Sit-down meals with family 'keep youths out of trouble''. How often does your family eat together? http://tinyurl.com/mmsv2o"

4. (Anonymous twitterer) shared one of the reasons youth ministers do what we do.

"Had a great meeting with a young man considering going into full time ministry."

5. shawnmichael (Shawn Michael Shoup) quoted me for the first time of anyone on Twitter (that I know of). Thanks Shawn. (I just thought I'd share with you, blog readers, because I thought it was cool that he actually quoted me.)

"You need 2 B involved in a youth worker network & more importantly, U need 2 strive 2 help make it the best network anywhere."(via @lilkup)

6. saraeden (Sara Eden) shared a great moment she had with a senior and freshman. Sometimes, high schoolers are just amazing, aren't they?

"Just heard a senior say 'woo hoo! You're officially a high schooler!' and high five a new freshmen. Love it!"

What did you learn from Twitter this week?

Youth Ministry Story: Amusement Park Edition

(First, a confession: I do not like roller coasters. I will not willingly spend my off days waiting in lines to ride a 30 second coaster. But I do love going to theme parks with students.)

I thought I'd share a few stories from the many trips I have taken to amusement parks over the years. One from being in youth group and the other from being a youth minister.


Story #1 - Repeat
The first story comes from my days of high school. It was my junior year, I believe, and we were on our way to Cedar Point for our annual trip. This trip involved a caravan of a few cars, vans and the church van. Three of my friends and I were in a van with a couple adults and we had a blast. I say "we" had a blast, that "we" would not include the adults and here is why. During the few hour ride to Cedar Point, my friends and I had a tape (yes, a cassette tape) that we asked the driver to put in the tape deck. I do not even remember the name of the album, but I do remember listening to it a few times.

Well, a few times is not quite right. And in fact, I do not think we made it through the entire tape. Instead we listened to one song over and over. I think we listened to it like 28 times. We thought it was the funniest thing to hear it over and over. (note of thanks to adults who endure this kind of behavior during trips - your suffering through this type of pain is a huge part of youth ministry making a difference in a student's life. I will forever be grateful to the adults who willingly listened to and rewound the tape that many times) I do not even remember much about the rest of that day, but this car experience will forever be ingrained in my brain. It is one of my favorite moments from youth group.

(I'd love to hear if Doug and Jeremy remember this trip)


Story #2 - Roller Coaster Wimps
The second story comes from my last trip to Six Flags with my first youth group. It was during a tough summer for me, I knew it was my last summer and the students did not. During this trip, there was one student who shared my "dislike" of roller coasters. So, we spent the day together and it was such a great time. We rode this "kid" ride (one of those indoors, "scary" rides) at least three times in a row.

We walked around, looking in the gift shops and watching people do silly stuff. Toward the end of the day, we went to the water park (newly opened) and hung out. We had no change of clothes, but we kept walking under the waterfall. (common sense reminder: if you have on a leather belt and you allow it to get wet and remain wet for hours, you have essentially ruined your belt. Just thought you'd like to know) Though we did not go on a single roller coaster, we had a blast. And I got to spend some quality time with a student. A lot more time than I would have on a normal day.





What is your favorite amusement park story?

Youth groups & amusement parks

During the summer, it is common for youth groups to take a day or two and go to an amusement park. Some youth workers look forward to this trip and some endure it. But, whatever you personally feel about amusement parks, I want to offer a few helpful tips to make the day go smoother.


1. buddy system
This is the old standard way to keep someone from being left out or getting lost by themselves. But at the amusement park, it is even more important. I like to modify this system while at the amusement park - it has to be an even numbered group of buddies. It can be 2, 4 or 6 - but it has to be even. When you go on a ride and there are five people, one person is most likely going to get left out (and have to ride alone).

2. meeting points/times
Throughout the day, have check in points. Depending on your group and the park you are at, you might only need one or you might need a couple. An easy way to handle this is to have everyone in the group eat together (#6 below). You can have several adults set out around the park at meeting points, so a student does not have to walk a mile just to check in.

3. utilize cell phones
Since most students (at least one in each group) will have a cell phone with them on the trip, you can use it as your check-in system. Have the students call an adult during a certain window of time and let them know their location. If there is any problem, you can also use your cell phone to track down any student rather quickly.

And in the rare case (because I know this never happens) some of your students are late getting to the meeting point at the end of the day, just call them and "remind" them they need to run!

4. wear bright colored, matching shirts
This is a great way to recognize someone from your group at a distance. It is not enough to wear matching white shirts with your logo on front - a large majority of people at the park that day will probably have on white shirts. Choose a color that most people do not have (think lime green or neon pink) and make a fun shirt for the summer. Have the students wear it to your events.

5. leave no one out
If you have a student who does not like to ride roller coasters, do not leave them out of the fun. Make sure they still have a group to hang out with, and this does not include them waiting for their friends to ride all of the rides. Have an adult spend the day with them if no one else wants to "miss the coasters." Make sure no one misses out on the fun, even if it is not the same fun as the rest of the group.

6. eat together
Since you will not see most of the students throughout the day, take time to each a meal together. This can be a "check-in" time (#2 above) or just a time to enjoy some company. Ask what rides are good, which ones are being worked on, which lines are short or long, and which rides are not worth your time. I do not recommend making the students stay for a certain amount of time, just let them eat and return to the park (with their group, of course).


What do you do when your group goes to the amusement park? What is your favorite amusement park?

Is It Worth the Effort?

Recently, I posted an article on the YouthMinBlog during the week of "Ways to connect with students after they graduate." What follows is that article, entitled "Is It Worth the Effort?" I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...

They have been involved with your youth ministry for four years or more, but now they are leaving. Every year at this time it happens, and every year it becomes more difficult. These are not just high school students you barely know. These are students you have poured your life into. You have stayed up late talking about life, both serious and silly. You have indulged your taste buds by eating unhealthy food together. You have cried for them and with them. You have spent hours talking to God specifically about them. You have even taught a specific lesson or two geared directly at them. And now, they are on the verge of being young adults.

This transition for teenagers is never the same. Some students will never leave. Some students will go off to college and essentially never return. You might worry more about a few students after they go off to college than you did while they were in high school. For a few other students, your only thought is anticipation to see just how far they excel. But regardless of what you think the future will hold for these students, you want to stay connected to them.

I want to spend the rest of this article talking about some reasons to stay connected and discussing a few methods of connection.

Reasons to stay connected:
1. Positive influence
As a youth worker, we all know students who do not have any other positive influence in their life besides us. Their family life is rough and they struggle to make good friends. These students might need your influence more than any other. You have the chance to continue being a positive part of their life. They need regular reminders of God’s love for them, which you can offer.

2. Continue discipleship
Discipleship does not end when a student walks across a stage and receives a diploma. Your role as mentor might take on a different form, but it should not disappear. This student is about to enter a brand new world and their beliefs and core values will be put to the test. They need you (as their mentor) to be there helping them struggle, grow, and become more like Christ.

3. Stay informed
Another reason to stay connected to students after graduation is simply to stay informed about their life. You have just spent at least four years hearing about their relationships, grades, teachers, friends, family, hobbies and thoughts on culture. When they go away to college, this all stops. In order to hear about their decisions, future plans, or just about anything else you will need to stay connected to them at some level.

Methods of connecting:
1. Letters, notes
College students love to get mail, so write a letter and send it to them. You will not be able to write letters to every student (unless you do not want to get anything else done). But for a few students, this might be the more effective method of staying connected.

2. Email
Email is a great tool for connecting with college students. They check their email several times during the day and are usually quick to respond. And you can do a “copy and paste” to send the same email to several students within a few minutes. I recommend sending each email to an individual and not a bulk group of students. These messages do not have to be long, in fact just asking a few direct questions can help you stay connected.

3. IM
Some students use instant messaging to stay in touch. While you are in the office, turn on your IM and talk to students a few times throughout the day.

4. Facebook
Set aside a few minutes each week to write a message or write on someone’s wall. Unless the conversation involves information that does not need to be shared outside of your conversation, I recommend using the wall to talk. Writing on a person’s wall allows you to not only connect with that person, but also to be seen by anyone visiting their profile.

5. Phone calls
Calling a college student can be a lot like calling a high school student, which means this method does not have to take long either. This method is a little more personal and allows you to receive instant feedback or provide instantaneous encouragement.

6. Lunches
Take the students to lunch when they are in town. Ask them questions. Share moments from your life. Encourage them to remain faithful.

7. Talking
What I mean by “talking” is to simply talk with the student when you see them. When a student is home from college and at church on Sunday, make sure to step over and spend a few minutes talking. See how things are going, discuss the changes college brings, and make sure you mention how nice it is to see them.

Schedule regular times to “check in.” Add it to your schedule or you’ll probably notice that it does not happen, because we all know only a small percentage of students will ever initiate contact with us. Once you are able to connect with students post-high school, you will notice the relationship changes and matures - it might even deepen. Your time and energy will pay off as you watch your students become young adults.

The Source4YouthMinistry's Super Bowl Quiz

Jonathan over at the Source 4 Youth Ministry has made available a free Super Bowl Quiz. (They do one every year). There are also a few party ideas/tips.

I've used this quiz the last couple years and had a great response from the teens. If you are not a football fan, like myself, it might help to have one of the youth coaches who is a football fan to help be in charge of this quiz or at least the answering of some of the questions the students will ask.

I also posted some ideas for the Big Game recently. If you haven't seen those ideas, click over and see if any of them can be helpful for your super bowl party.

5 Ways to Use the Super Bowl in Youth Ministry

Then end of the football season means the Super Bowl is almost here. And for youth ministers that can mean the potential to connect with a greater number of students. There are several things you can do within your youth ministry to connect to the Super Bowl "hype." Take one or more of these ideas and use it within your ministry. And I'd love to hear what effect it has on your ministry.



5 ideas for using the Super Bowl in your youth ministry.
1. Host a Super Bowl Party
This includes finding a house with enough room to hold the students a big enough TV for everyone to watch. Or you could hold it at church if you have the room/technology.

Supplies:

• Food (I suggest pizza and chips & dip for sure)
• TV or multiple TVs
• Devotion or something for halftime
• Handout, trivia questions and ideas or quiz sheet
  
• prizes for winners of score contest. halftime and end of game
• prizes for contest sheet winners
• plastic silverware, cups, plates

2. Create your own Super Bowl Commercial Contest.
Have the students come up with a 30 second commercial that they want to air during the Super Bowl. You could either have them make up a product or use a real one. You will want to set obvious guidelines; language and such. Have them turn the commercials early enough to give you time to watch them and get them ready be viewed. My suggestion is that you watch them during halftime of the game. Plus you can put them on your group's YouTube, Vimeo, or webpage - that way the students can watch them over and over again.

3. Discuss why the Super Bowl is such a big deal.
Take some time before the big game and talk about why this is the biggest sporting event all year.

4. Participate in the Souper Bowl outreach event.
This is a great way to raise some money and help out a local soup kitchen. Go to the website to find out more and get your students involved. Get all of your downloadable resources here that you'll need to promote.

5. Use the commercials to start discussion on a number of topics.
After the Super Bowl, you could take a few weeks and steer some discussion to the topics brought up during the commercials. Or use the commercials as illustrations or intro material for the your messages.


How do you use the Super Bowl in your ministry? What have you done in the past? We'd love to hear some of your past highlights, please leave a comment to share with the youth ministry community.

Best of '08: Youth Ministry Books

Next up in the "Best of 2008" series is my favorite youth ministry books of 2008. I thought this was going to be really tough to narrow down to a few books. It seemed like I read a lot this year, but it turns out that I did not read as many youth ministry specific books as I thought I did. What follows is the top 3 youth ministry books I read this year.

Best of 2008: Youth Ministry Books
1. Mission Trips from start to finish by Lynne Ellis & Doug Fields
In terms of practicality, this was the best book I read last year. Simple to follow. Full of reproducible information. This book not only helps a youth worker better understand and answer the big questions, but it provides some great detail information. If you are participating in a mission trip with your youth, this resource needs to be on your desk as you start the planning process.

2. Ministry Mutiny by Greg Stier
When this book first came out, it peeked my interest. But I never got around to actually reading it until this year. We used Ministry Mutiny as part of the mentorship program Tim started via his blog. A lot of the topics dealt with are topics just about every youth worker will face in his/her ministry. One of the benefits of reading it as part of the mentorship program was that I got to discuss each chapter with a fellow youth worker who was just getting started in ministry. I recommend this book to anyone in youth ministry; you may not agree with everything Greg says (I hope you don't) but you will find yourself rethinking your ministry. (Look for a more indepth review to show up on this blog in the next month or so.)

3. Getting Students to Show Up by Jonathan McKee
This is a great book to use when you are thinking about your next outreach event or even your weekly meeting. Since I have already reviewed this book (and given away a free copy), I will not repeat myself. You can see my review by going to this post or over to this review at YMX.

One youth ministry book that was close to making the list was YM 3.0 by Marko. I am not completely finished with it, so I didn't think it was fair to add it to the list - it'll probably be on the 2009 list. Later this week, I'll be posting my favorite middle school ministry books of 2008, so if you think theire is a middle school book left off the list, that could be why.


How did I do? What were your favorite youth ministry books of 2008?


Other "Best of 2008" Posts:
Non-Youth Ministry Books
Music
Websites

Hello Winter... Youth Ministry Style

Sunday (Dec 21) was the first day of winter and that means youth ministries around the US (b/c those youth ministries in Australia, for example, are currently enjoying summer) will be transitioning to a winterized version of youth ministry. Some aspects of youth ministry do not change, but anything that involves the outdoors has to change. Here are some of my favorite winter youth ministry games, events, ideas and more.

Disclaimer: Yes, I am aware that my friends in places like CA, GA, or FL do not need to make these adjustments because it does not get that cold or snow that much. And for that I say ":-P"

Winterized Youth Ministry:
Free Version...
1. Sledding. Just take your group, or have them meet, to a local hill. You can spend hours just sledding down and walking back up the hill. You can do something organized like races or just let everyone do what they want.

2. Build Snowmen/Snowball fights. If you get enough snow, build snowmen. This would be a great opportunity for some good video and/or pictures of the group. Have a themed-snowman competition, see who can build the largest... The snowball fights will just come naturally.

3. Shovel snow. Take a day and drive around town shoveling people's driveways and sidewalks. This is a great service project. It will help your group bond together, while doing people a wonderful service. Make sure you have enough shovels, gloves, hats, etc.

4. Outdoor Ice Skating. Depending on your area, this might be a great time to go ice skating or play ice hockey. This is one event that might just draw a smaller crowd, but it will be a fun day together.

5. Any excuse to serve hot chocolate. Find any reason to get the group together to drink hot chocolate. This might be a great addition to one of your outdoor events or just something you do as a stand-alone event. Make sure you have marshmallows (and I suggest the mini ones).

6. Special parties. During this season, most youth ministries will have their Christmas parties and New Year's Eve parties. Maybe you should have a "_______" party (fill in with whatever you want) just to have a party. This is a great time to give the students something to do, since they can't go outside. (obviously, be mindful of the family time activities this time of year)

7. Ice Sculpting. If you have a large amount of ice this is the perfect time to use it. Even if you just have a small amount of ice, set aside a time to let students sculpt it. Allow them to be creative and just make it fun.


Non-Free Version...
1. Skiing. Most students love to go skiing, but do not get to go often. Plan a ski trip with your group. Or if you live close to a ski resort, schedule regular days (or at least some days) that are official youth group ski days.

2. Indoor Ice Skating. Take the group to go ice skating at an ice rink. Depending on the size of the group you can get discounts or even rent the entire rink.

3. Broomball. Rent an ice rink for a few hours of broom ball. You play hockey with broomsticks, only tennis shoes, and a ball. It is a lot of fun. But be careful, as people will fall.

4. Trip to warmer weather. Take your group to warmer weather. Probably want it to be within driving distance, but I hear Hawaii is nice this time of year.


Those are a few of my ideas for a winterized youth ministry. What have you done in the winter that has worked or what other suggestions would you have? Leave a comment with your ideas.

25 White Elephant Gift Exchange gift ideas

Last week, I wrote that one idea for this Christmas season is to do a white elephant gift (WEG, as I like to call it) exchange at a Christmas party. As I thought back over my youth ministry career so far, I remembered quite a few good WEG ideas. So, being the generous person I am - I am posting some of the better gifts I can remember.

Disclaimer: in the case of a WEG, "better" does not always mean "better" in the normal sense. Just keep that in mind as you read the list.

25 White Elephant Gift Ideas:
1. a slice of cheese
2. two stuffed pig dolls
3. a broken "don't spill the beans" game
4. various cds (dishwalla, mercy me, a couple compilations)
5. a vhs version of any movie
6. mark twain paperback
7. 10 random buttons
8. $1 bill (which by the way no one really seemed to want)
9. a mp3 player (it will be a gift most people want)
10. headphones (nothing else)
11. Winnie the Pooh backpack
12. A Casey's top 40 record from 1983 (probably need an old DJ for this one)
13. a plethora of a charity's (like relay for life) material (buttons, stickers, cups)
14. 101 things you need to know book
15. a used sippy cup
16. girl scout cookies and hot chocolate (another item people will actually want)
17. random items from your desk (works best if its a student's desk)
18. a dance instruction vhs tape
19. potpourri (any shape or form)
20. a mostly burnt candle
21. a manual ice cream maker
22. some of your old school papers (for the adults)
23. Britney Spears cassette tape (a few kids didn't even know what a cassette was)
24. one coaster
25. a pink t-shirt that says "Britney's competition" (I'm wearing it in the picture)

There are 25 ideas to get you started. One of my favorite WEG moments came a few years ago. My wife reminded of it recently, because it is her favorite WEG memory. We had a new student, the Christmas party was her first event, and she brought a really nice bath set. Somehow the communication of what kind of gift to bring was lost and she actually brought a nice gift. The best part was the gift she left with, though. At the end of the night, she left with a plastic fork. Classic youth ministry moment. A moment that brings a smile to my face every time I think of it.

5 Christmas Season Ideas for Youth Ministry

December means Christmas. And in youth ministry that means a busy schedule (or the possibility of a busy schedule this month). There are so many good things to do with your students during December, but I thought I'd share just a few of my favorites.


Here are 5 ideas for your Christmas youth ministry season...

1. Christmas Party with a white elephant gift exchange.
Plan a party at one of the student's houses. Play some games, eat food, share stories or anything else you want. But you have got to do a white elephant gift exchange. It always provides a ton of laughs and some great memories.

2. Caroling.
Take the students around town, visiting some of the new families at the church. Or go to the nursing home or homes of some of the adults who can't get out much.

3. Bake cookies, then deliver them around the neighborhood.
This might be more geared toward the girls in your group, but its not limited to just girls. We always bake one day and then deliver a day or two later. This activity will help build the community within your students and it will help them get out and serve the community. Plus the community gets some homemade cookies and desserts.

4. Snow shoveling.
No one wants to shovel their walk or driveway, so why not let your students do it for them. Not only is it a way to serve, it usually turns into a fun time for the youth.

5. Sledding & snowball fights (or other classic winter events).
These are just for fun and to build community within your ministry.

No matter which of these events you do, make sure you take pictures and video. You will be able to use that media in so many ways throughout the year.

What other ideas would you consider essential to a good Christmas season?

Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

While driving home, I heard a report about Planned Parenthood now offering gift certificates. After a little searching, I found this article from a newspaper in Indiana on the issue. I am a big fan of gift certificates, but this is a bit too far. Here is the reasoning behind them...

"People are making really tough decisions about putting gas in their car and food on their table, so we know that many women especially put healthcare at the bottom of their list to do," said Chrystal Struben-Hall, Vice President of Planned Parenthood of Indiana.

Further down the article it mentions that the gift certificates can be used for abortions, if that is what the young lady wants to use it for. That is not the intention, but there are not restrictions on what the certificates can be used toward.

I hope this does not take off in Indiana and then to other states.

What do you think? Should it be addressed in your youth ministry? What (if anything) should the church/youth ministry do in response to these gift certificates?

Free PDF Book: 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life by Jarrod Jones

Looking for another book that is geared toward teenage guys? Jarrod Jones has just released on with that audience in mind - 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life. It deals with sexual temptation and offers advice on how to deal with it.

Go to this website to download a free copy of the book in PDF - 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life

Typically Busy Youth Ministry Weekend

Recently, I had a busy weekend. This type of busy weekend is normal for a youth worker. And it used to be normal for me, too. Being away from full-time youth ministry for a couple months now, my normal weekend has really changed. Now it is more of a lot of time around the house with my family. I have really been able to cherish this time, but honestly I have missed the time in ministry "busymode" that seems to happen so often.

Here are the highlights from the weekend:

1st - I had a hard conversation with a college student. This started as an accidental conversation, as we connected while on a walk with my family. Talked about some tough stuff going on in their life and what they want to do about it. I felt like it was a good conversation from both sides.

2nd - I helped out at 5th Quarter. This one was a Saturday evening, since it was a Saturday afternoon game this week. I got to run one of the games, helped set up and tear down, and did some "security" to make sure teens weren't leaving randomly. It was a great event. Good times.

3rd - After 5th Quarter, I headed straight to a Displace Me '08 overnighter. I got called earlier that day to see if I could come help (a few of the other adults had to back out at the last minute). This was really a good chance to see some students I hadn't seen in a few months and meet a few more for the first time. Lots of laughs, sore muscles and lack of sleep were the three main outcomes from this night. I only stayed til around 12:30 or so.
Displace Me is part of Schools4Schools, which is a program out of invisible children. Find out more about each by clicking the following links...
Displace Me '08 - schools for schools - invisible children

4th - I taught Jr. High Class on Sunday night. This was the first time I had taught in a few months and I was ready to get back to it. It was fun to prepare the lesson. My only problem was that I had too much stuff, due to some adjustments to the overall evening that night, and I didn't watch the clock. I wasn't really paying attention to the time and ran out before we got to the end. It wasn't a total waste of a lesson, but I wish we could have gotten to the ending.

What a great weekend of youth ministry.

What about you? Do you love these types of weekends? Do you feel energized after something like this or do you feel drained?

Book Giveaway: Getting Students to Show Up

My YMX review of Getting Students to Show Up by Jonathan McKee just got published recently over at YMX and I posted it here, too. And I have an extra copy of the book. What can I do with that extra copy? I'll tell you what I'm going to do with it. I am giving it away to the person who wins my little book giveaway contest.

As much as I would love for this contest to involve lots of sugar (soda) or slime, it won't. It will be a pretty simple contest. If you don't have this book, I encourage you to enter and try to win it here.




Contest Rules:

1. You must be a youth worker (full-time, part-time, volunteer), know someone who is, or want to be one someday.
2. Leave a comment on this post sharing your biggest "oops" moment at an outreach event.
3. Or, better yet, write a post on your blog about the biggest "oops" moment (mention/link to this contest if you want) and post the link in the comments (this way you can include video and pictures, if you have any)
   
4. The best moment, as decided by a random drawing of those who enter, will win the book.
5. Available only to those within the US, sorry I can't pay for that much postage - I am a youth worker after all.
   
6. The contest ends 9/25/08 at 11:59pm Central
7. Feel free to enter more than once, if you have more than one great moment to share.
   

I look forward to hearing your fun stories. When the contest is over, I might just put your stories together in a future post (with your permission, of course).

New Poll: Promoting to the next grade

With summer in full swing, I thought I'd see when you promote your students. When do they go from 6th to 7th grade within the youth ministry?

When do you promote your students?
- at the beginning of summer
- they stay in same grade, but can be involved in older group
- at the end of summer

Have you found one way works better for you? Why?

Poll Results: Graduation Ceremonies

The end of the school year means graduation. And graduation equals graduation ceremonies.

What do people think about graduation ceremonies? Well, according to my poll, on this site, (of mostly youth workers) a majority of people do not enjoy the ceremony part.

Do you enjoy graduation ceremonies?
20% (2 people) do enjoy the ceremonies
80% (8 people) do not enjoy the ceremonies

This could be due to the fact that a lot of ceremonies last for hours. Or that most ceremonies are in places without A/C. Or it could be the fact that most youth ministers only know a small percentage of the graduating seniors. Even with this large percentage of people not enjoying the ceremonies, I don't know a single youth worker who would miss it. That's how much we love the students!