Every Youth Worker Needs: Supportive Leadership

(Youth ministry is not an easy ministry. And in this series, Every Youth Worker Needs:..., I want to highlight a variety of things that might make your ministry a little easier. This ongoing series will include ministry tips, book suggestions, technology helps, and many other nuggets of advice.)


Being a lead youth worker, paid or volunteer, is a very demanding position. You have to make many decisions every day, some that will affect the students for years to come. Sometimes, you do not get time to think about what you need to do, you just have to act. Other times, you have several days, at the least, to think through how best to handle a situation. But no matter how minor or monumental your decision is, you need to have leadership that will support you through it all.

Having supportive leadership does not mean that the other ministers and elders will agree with everything you suggest. Nor does it mean that you will pursue everything you want to. It does mean that you have the ability to discuss ideas openly and freely, knowing they will do what they can to provide the guidance and support you need. This might mean that when you suggest an idea, they gently encourage you to think of another option. Or it will mean that they agree with your suggestion, and encourage you to continue with implementing it.

But the real advantage of supportive leadership comes after a new program is started or another one is ended. Supportive leaders will listen to people's opinions and respond without degrading your decision. They will also try to help bring clarity and understanding to those who are opposed to something within the youth ministry. A supportive leader will not talk negatively of you, your ability to minister, or the ministry. Anything to the contrary would have already been handled behind "closed doors" and will not be discussed in public.

When a youth worker has supportive leaders, there are 2 crucial changes that occur within the mind of the youth worker: confidence and courage.

Disclaimer: Before I delve into these 2 changes, allow me to say that I firmly believe that God is the one who changes hearts, not the youth worker.

1. Confidence.
I have found from my experience that no matter how much a youth worker strives to follow God's leading it does not always lead to leading with confidence. You can feel confident that you are following God, but struggle to lead with the same confidence. No matter how "on track" with God you are, when you do not have supportive leadership, you struggle with second guesses and insecurities.

It's not that you do not believe in the future of the ministry, but you are not confident others will see it the same way. And when you lack the support of the leadership, you can begin to wonder if a change in the ministry will lead to making people upset - which could lead to the leadership deciding it is time for you to move on. The opposite is also true, though. When you are following God's leading AND backed by the support of the congregational leadership, then you have the confidence to face the obstacles and naysayers head on. You can face them head on because you know that you are not the only person who wants to see the ministry thrive. As your confidence grows, you must keep yourself from becoming arrogant, this level of over-confidence will lead to conflict with the leadership and will likely lead to more damage than you want to handle.

2. Courage.
Besides gaining confidence to handle the post-decision discussions with people, a supportive leadership allows the youth worker to lead with courage. When youth workers have the support of the leaders, they are willing to try new things and take more risks within the youth ministry. You do not have to feel apprehensive about the unknown outcome when you know you will not be facing it alone.

Leading a ministry means you are out in front of those you are leading. And sometimes leading a ministry is scary, but when you have the support of the leadership you do not feel as scared. You should always be following God's lead in your ministry, but even following God does not mean you do not feel scared. Working with supportive leadership helps a youth worker maintain the courage to make decisions based on God's leading, not the people's reactions.


Are you working with supportive leadership?
If you are not, what can you do to move in that direction?
Have you showed your leadership how thankful you are for their support?



(Every Youth Worker Needs: A Blog Series About Things You Need in Youth Ministry)

Journey of Starting a New Ministry - month 1 (1 of 2)

The first month of a new ministry is very important. It is important for both you and the congregation. During this first month, you will be developing habits and routines which you will continue to use for a long time. You are beginning to set the precedent for what people can expect from you. The congregation will use these first four weeks to watch how you interact and listen to how you present yourself. The are interested in what you will bring to the ministry. Most of these people, even some of those who met you prior to being hired, have not had much time to meet you and ask you questions.

No two ministers will have the same first month at a new ministry. You might preach every week or not at all. You might not even be on stage during this month. You might teach multiple classes or you might be able to sit in and observe. You might have a death in the congregation or maybe its a wedding. You might start in the middle of summer or the middle of winter. Despite the fact that every start to a ministry is so vastly different, I believe there are some things that every minister needs to accomplish during this time.

Tips for Month #1:
1. Learn names
This goes for those who are good at remembering names and those who forget ten seconds after you are told. Knowing the name of a student or adult makes it much easier to start conversations. Plus everyone likes to know that you care enough to learn their name.

2. Implement office hours & your day off
As you are starting your new ministry, you are forming new habits and routines. One of those routines needs to be setting up, and following through with, the hours you will spend in the office and what day you will be staying away from the office. There is plenty of “work” to be done at the beginning of a ministry and you will leave many days knowing there is much more you can do. Do not let the feeling that you need to prove yourself keep you from setting up limitations.

3. Plan informal gatherings with youth
You need to get to know the students, and that will not completely happen in the classroom setting. So plan some time to hang out with them away from church. You can plan a day in the park, go out to lunch, plan a game night or just plan a day to hang out at someone’s house. Do not use this time to give a devotional or plan upcoming events, just spend time talking and listening.

4. Get to know the adults (parents, youth coaches, elders...)
Aside from the students you will be ministering to, you need to learn more about the adults you will be working with. Meet for lunch or stop by their house (call beforehand). Ask a few questions about their family. Learn about their passions and what drives them. Share your heart for ministry. 

5 Year Youth Ministry Contract: Church Leadership (3 of 5)

This is post #3 of the 5 Year Youth Ministry Contract. If you have not already read the first two posts, you'll want to read them before reading this one. Read the introduction first and then read my thoughts on the youth minister difference.

In this post, we will look at the difference a five-year commitment would make for the church leadership & staff.

The Church Leadership/Staff Difference

When a youth minister joins a staff it takes time to become part of the group. It takes time to fit in, to learn how the other staff function, and to build a relationship with each other. The staff relationships are vital to the overall ministry of the church; the better the relationship, the better the ministers work together. If the youth minister was committed to staying at least five years, that would allow enough time to grow these relationships and then see the ministry improve thanks to them.

I think another big difference this commitment would produce is a "forced support" from the leadership. There are situations when the church leadership (mainly elected leadership, but could also include the families with the power) is not supportive of the youth minister and that only causes negative results. If the leadership knew the youth minister was going to be there for at least five years, they should have a greater desire to see that ministry succeed. This desire should lead to being supportive of the youth minister and working with him through all situations (good and bad).

There would also need to be more intentional communication (because sadly, the tendency is to have little intentional communication between the youth minister and the church leadership) on what the youth minister is planning and what the leadership expects. Clear expectations and guidelines would help the youth minister understand what the leadership is looking for. Knowing what the leadership is looking for would help the youth minister to be aware of what information to present, as well as how to present it.

Another benefit for the church leadership will be an opportunity to watch the youth ministry grow and mature over the five year period without trying to decide if the youth minister is doing enough those first few years. They do not need to evaluate each and every event or ministry program individually based on how "successful" they feel it is. Understanding the youth ministry is heading toward a certain goal, and knowing the youth minister will be there to see the process through for at least five years, can ease any worries they might have otherwise had. And this time-frame will lend itself to more strategic evaluations of the youth ministry, encouraging the completion of structured and timely goals.

Another benefit of this agreement could be a more focused training and minister development. The staff and leadership could spend the five years helping the youth minister grow professionally and personally. This could include in-house training, as well as providing opportunities to attend conventions and seminars. Part of good leadership is mentoring younger leaders. With a five year commitment, the youth minister would have ample time to be mentored by older/wiser leaders.


Are there negatives for the church leadership and staff?

There is the possibility that the leadership could use this five year contract as a chance to get the youth minister to do what they want. This would happen when the leadership "kindly" informs the new youth minister that the next five years could be great or miserable, depending on how happy they are with the youth ministry.

Another possible downfall of this type of agreement might happen in the fifth year of ministry. If the leadership is unsatisfied with the youth ministry, then there is a possibility of being extra tough on the minister or backing off and being distant. Either way, it would cause the ministry to suffer and the minister to be hesitant to come to work each day.



What other differences do you think a five year commitment would make for the church leadership?
Do you think it would benefit the church leadership to have the youth minister make this commitment to a local ministry?


Posts in this series:
1. The Introduction
2. The Youth Minister Difference
3. The Church Leadership/Staff Difference
4. The Church Membership Difference
5. The Students Difference

My yearly review: Lesson Learned #1 (promotion)

I got the rest of my evaluation at this month's elder's meeting. It was good. As expected, there were some things mentioned that I need to improve on, some I am doing well and some I need to start.

I wanted to share a few of the lessons I learned from the review. This is the first of a series of posts on lessons learned from my annual review. My desire is that these lessons will encourage you to be a better minister, too.

The first lesson I want to pass on is about passion. This is not about passion for God or the students. This is a passion for the programs and events you do. Really its about a passion for "selling/promoting" the event or program. One of the elders said something that stuck with me. He said,

"You must be convinced of what you are "selling" before you can convince others"

This was in reference to some of the events we've tried to do and some low attendance at said events. Now the elders don't know everything about how I promoted or didn't promote events or who I talked to about them, but they were just sharing some thoughts. Despite the fact that I believe there were other reasons for low numbers, this sentence struck me as true.

As I've looked back on how I promote events or programs, I have not always been excited when talking about them. For some reason I make it a quick announcement, in a low/hushed voice. Like I'm interrupting something and don't really want to be heard. I'm not sure why this was a habit, but it is something I know I need to change.

How to promote/sell an event or program:
1. Be excited about it. If I'm not excited then I either don't need to plan it or need to get excited about it.

2. Be more creative with promoting. I need to start using more methods than just announcing it. This is harder because we meet in a room that is really too small for our group and we sit in a circle. I don't always have access to a TV/DVD, so I have avoided using video. What other creative ways could I use?

3. Get someone else to promote it. I could have a student read the announcements or get a random adult to come in and do them.

4. Remember I'm giving them one more event to attend. Not that I want to compete with other activities, but sometimes I am. Most of them will have to choose between the youth event and something else.

5. Talk about it more than just during a youth event. Share with individual students outside of church. Get feedback from them and discuss any issues they might have.

How do you promote an event? What have you learned about "selling" an event or program?

elder's meeting & annual review

Tonight was our monthly elder meeting. It was pretty uneventful, except for my review. I've now been here for over a year.

First, I'm glad I get an annual review. I never did at my last church and it is tough to grow.

Second, I'm glad I didn't feel like I had to defend myself or justify anything tonight.

Third, I'm glad its over.

Fourth, I now wait to see what (if any) kind of a raise I get.

Fifth, I was hoping for a little more feedback from them (as far as how I can improve).

Sunday, long Sunday

Well, yesterday was a rather long day. The morning was pretty normal (which is long anyway), but it was the evening that was extra fun. We had a planning meeting before service and an elder's prayer time after service. So I was at church for over 3 1/2 hours last night.

Before Sunday School, one of the little kids' class teachers came up to me and asked if her class could come in and share something with the high school. They have been working on learning the 10 commandments and wanted to share with the "big kids." I thought it would be good. The only problem is that we are meeting in a room that is not even big enough for the class itself, let alone adding another class. So the little kids sat in a circle in the middle of the room and shared what they knew. Which, after being asked, none of the high schoolers said they could do it. (I'm not sure if I could do it in order either, though).

It actually tied in with the lesson, too. We talked about Moses having to wear the veil after coming down from the mountain. (more on this in a later post)

So, the big fun was at the planning meeting. Two weeks ago I wrote about how well the meeting went when we first talked about some of our upcoming events. Let me just say that yesterday's meeting was not quite as good. Yeah, we got a lot done and figured out. But honestly, we probably wasted 1/2 the time on little stuff. The good thing was there wasn't anything else we needed to cover. There is a chance we could have worked out more details about our upcoming grad. banquet.

This meeting ran right up til our youth group time. So I didn't get to do much relationship stuff with the students before class. Then with the prayer time afterward, it was about the same. I am always encouraged after spending an hour or so in prayer with the leadership. Plus, I got home right in time to read and pray with Nathan before he went to bed.

elder's meeting tonight

Tonight is our elder's meeting. Should not be too bad, might be long. Last night was the building expansion meeting with the architects to go over some of the details needed before they can draw up the plans for the proposed building expansion. So I'm looking forward to being updated on that info and hearing how things are going.

Hopefully I won't have much to blog about tomorrow about the meeting.

Tomorrow I'm also going on a Men's retreat at the local camp. This will mark the first such event I've been to in a long time (not counting Promise Keepers).

funeral, visiting, travel

What a week.

For anyone who was praying for our trip, thanks. On Tuesday we packed up and left at 6:30 am for GA. We got there around 7pm (lost an hour with time change). It was really good to be back in GA with friends. Had a chance to talk with the family we were staying with and relax a bit from the 11 1/2 hour trip. Wed. turned out to be a rather busy day. Had lunch with friends, went looking for something while the boys slept, viewing in the evening, stopped by the youth group for a few minutes.

The viewing was tough for a few reasons. First and foremost - it was a viewing for a close friend (adopted family) of ours. Second, ran into a few people from last church that we have different relationship with now. Some were part of the "reason" we were asked to leave. Honestly, its not the fact that we were asked to leave that bothers us about certain people; its the character (or lack of) that was shown in things that were said and done around the whole incident. Third, we were there for a while (talking with people and the family) and it was dinner time for the boys, so they started getting cranky.

It was great to see some of the youth for a bit. Some have changed a lot in 6 months. Others haven't really done much change at all. I was reminded of the need I have to (not really need as much as desire) keep the individuals in prayer and not just "wonder" how they are doing. God placed them in our path and we can't just forget them when we leave a ministry.

Thursday was the funeral. It was hard. At the viewing I could tell a physical change in Ron. He didn't look like the same man I saw 6 months ago. Thankfully, I found out from talking to people, he wasn't the same man spiritually either. He had grown closer to God the last few months and was really starting to live out his faith in God. I wish I could have been around to witness this change :(

At the funeral, they played three "worship songs" and that was pretty special. Songs that made me tear up when I thought of them in regards to Ron's life. It was just really really good to be there.

Had lunch at Zaxby's (i highly recommend this anytime you get the chance) with friends. Talked about family and (as always) the congregation we left. Thursday evening we got to spend time with a small group of our friends and catch up. It was a great reminder that even though we have moved and become a part of a new congregation we don't have to leave all friendships or feelings behind.

Yesterday was a long day. Got up and spent time with the family before they went to work. Then we got to see one more person before we left. Got going around 10. Didn't get home til 11:30 or so. With time change that would be about 14 hours or so of travel time. Man we were tired. Plus when we got back we found out that our furnace was broken - so it was 58 in our house.

We did get our DSL hooked up while we were gone - about a week earlier than thought. But our Mac OS is not new enough, so I had to order Tiger today and install it and then finish installing the DSL. Then we're online at home.

There are a lot more thoughts and feelings floating around my head. I'll post more later.

one last question, I am still thinking through (even though the situation is over): how would Christ want me to respond and interact with the people who fired me (and ultimately lied to my face and many others)?

last elders meeting of 2006

tonight is the last one of the year. It should be a good one :) Nothing too big on the radar, except for the building expansion program. So I bet that will be the bulk of the meeting.

Its kinda sad that 2006 is almost over. This year has been such a roller coaster for me. Last year, at this time, I was working at Target and a dentist office. I had no idea where I would be ministering or when I would be back in ministry. Now, here I am and I'm ready for 2007.

new elders, ministry team leaders

last sunday, our church had our annual meeting to elect the ministry team leaders for next year and any elders that were up for election. As I(someone on staff) would hope, all of the nominees were elected. We have one elder not returning next year and one new elder joining the "team."

We have an elder's meeting Thursday night that will be pretty long (I bet). Since we have to bring this new elder up to speed. One of the biggest issues to bring up is the building campaign we are in the tail end of getting off the ground. We have plans all done and are now ready to get some bits on the building.

on a sidenote - It is really nice to come into a new ministry and have this sort of thing going. The ministry I left was "in process" of building, but I never felt it was a healthy thing. This one is needed and is really exciting to be a part of. Now I just have to make sure I don't get wrapped up in the idea that the building expansion will be a "end all" for the ministry.

So, anyway, there are lots of changes coming and I am looking forward to the next year.

ps. our girls' volleyball team is going to state!! Pretty exciting. They won last night against last year's state champs. A pretty impressive show of support from the community was rather encouraging from my perspective

God peaks around the corner...

It feels like God peaked out a little bit last week. He did not show us everything, just a little (thus the peaking). We heard back from the church in OH on Thursday. We did not hear what we wanted (ie. we did not get the position), but we did hear from God. We felt different about this opportunity - had felt it might be the one.

I was told that it came down to me and one other person. The biggest and final factor was that this other candidate was a "Timothy" from the church. And they had decided a few years ago to try to hire Timothys when they had a chance. So that does not bother me. I was told the elders tried to figure out how to hire both of us, but could not find the extra money. It was a good conversation and we know the doors are not completely closed. There is a possiblity that if something changes and they can hire another staff and we don't have another job lined up, they could contact us.

For me it was not a typical "no" conversation. And I actually felt a little encouraged afterward. Obviously, we don't know where we are going and we feel a little "lost, unsure..."

God has already showed us that we are not forgotten. Yesterday I got a call from a friend who passed on another job opening he found out about during a leadership conference this past week. God knows what is going on and He knows the big picture, and little by little He shows us a little bit more.

Thanks for the prayers.

If you know of any openings, I would welcome them. And if you happen to have any extra money to send to the church in Oh or to us, don't hesitate :)

final sunday

Well, we had our final Sunday yesterday. What a day. I taught the hs class (my wife got to sit in and enjoy). Then I got to be upstairs during the service (I ended up serving communion and offering because someone did not show up). We had a "farewell dinner" yesterday after church. Funny thing, though. They prayed and started before either of us got over there. Not a word mentioned publically about saying farewell. It was almost as if it was just another after church dinner. Kinda sad, but understandable at the same time. If I fired a minister who was very loved by the congregation and who did not yet know where they were going next, I don't know if I would make a mention of it either. Not that I liked it, but I understand.

We feel like we are just sorta leaving unnoticed. Which is not a bad thing. And we have not had parties during the classes either, so we aren't promoting the leave. It just feels really weird to be leaving and not have anything said about it on our last Sunday. Nothing was mentioned in church about it or anything.

I am not sure that the leaders who asked me to leave think it is a big deal (though most of them avoid me on Sunday). It just feels weird today. We are leaving and I am glad to be leaving this situation but at the same time I am sad to leave.

This was my first ministry after college and I will take so much away. The hardest thing today is knowing I will not be able to watch some of the teens grow and mature and become what God wants them to be. There are a few who I know I have "finally" started to build that relationship with and now I am leaving.

Sad times.

But on the other hand, I know I can still stay in contact and will hear from them again.

I feel reassured that I am not wanting to leave the ministry.

(thanks for reading the randomness of this post and thoughts)

Yesterday was the day

Yesterday, the entire congregation found out that we were asked to leave our ministry. What a day it was... (I am still pretty unsettled by things that have been said and done).

I had a talk with some of the elders before SS. Not the way I wanted to start my day, but it was inevitable. It was one of those talks where you leave the room the same way you left, with the same feelings and with not much changing. The basis of our discussion was on what was going to be said about our being asked to leave. Not much to say.

All throughout my Sunday School class it was just weird. Now that they know we are leaving, it is going to be that much more difficult to teach them. But overall, it was a good class.

We told the kids during Jr. Church. They were upset. Didn't know what to expect from them and got a lot more verbal response than from the ms/hs. So, with that group told we headed up to the service. Yeah, we weren't looking forward to this.

We stopped and prayed again before we went in. We got in part way through the sermon, so we wanted to sit down quietly without much distraction. It is def. getting more and more difficult to listen to a sermon and take something from it. So after the invitation, offering and a few announcements - we were up. One of the elders read a statement explaining some things and then I got up to read our statement.

I was not sure what to say/do. I read a motified version of what I had originally written. Not an easy thing to do. Amy said she had to tell some people behind her to allow me to speak. (They were "voicing" some opinions about us being fired, as in not wanting us to go) So after I read my letter and started to walk back to my seat, some people began to stand. They stood and clapped for Amy and myself and our ministry here at WCC. It was touching to see the support we have here.

Got to talk to a lot of people after the service. Some of them I had not met before, some I had only met a few times and others I have known for 4 years. It was actually quite interesting to see the support from people who are fairly new to our congregation. People expressed concern about the situation and assured us that they did not agree with us being asked to leave.

Not that we want to have people on our side - it is just nice to know we are not alone.

We are glad to be on this side of it. Now we are less than a month away from our exit (seems like forever ago we were told). It is going to be a long 3 months (dont' think i want to do it that way again).

Yesterday had at least one bright spot: the youth put together a surprise party for Amy for her birthday (which was Friday, see posts about me being a bad husband). It was encouraging to see the support and love from them (the ones we are here to minister to).

As we do enter the last month of our stay at this church, we know it has the potential to become even more difficult to be here. I ask for prayer. thanks.