5 Year Youth Ministry Contract: Church Members (4 of 5)

This is post #4 of the 5 Year Youth Ministry Contract. If you have not already read the first three posts, you'll want to read them before reading this one. Read the introduction first, followed by my thoughts on the youth minister difference and then my thoughts on the church leadership & staff difference.

In this post, we will look at the difference a five-year commitment would make for the church membership.

The Church Membership Difference

It can be difficult for church members to be quick to fully welcome a new youth minister on staff. When the church has a history of having multiple ministers with short stays, it becomes an automatic disadvantage for any new youth minister entering into ministry at this church. Most members assume the new youth minister will only stay long enough to find another ministry, like past youth ministers have done. I think a five year youth minister contract would offer many benefits for these members.

Knowing someone is going to be around for a few years allows you start the relationship with a little more trust than normal. Most members will not question the youth minister's motives or actions as often as they otherwise would. Being able to have this higher level of trust for the youth minister will allow the members to support and encourage the efforts and changes being made by the youth ministry team.

I believe the willingness to volunteer within the youth ministry would increase. From my experience, I have seen that some people are apprehensive to volunteer to work in an area where they do not know the leader well or where they feel the leadership might change often. This apprehension would be countered with the five year contract. Think about the difference it would make to have a stronger group of volunteers at the beginning of your ministry. Not only would the youth ministry benefit and grow, but the congregation gets a huge benefit: more members using their gifts and doing ministry.

Finally, I think this five year contract would give the members a sense of relief. Most members do not know what expectations/requirements are put on the youth minister by the church leadership. This contract would give them the reassurance that a certain level of ministry professionalism will be kept in the youth ministry. The members will still not completely understand what all is entailed in the youth ministry, but this will be a good start to help them understand that youth ministry is more than just glorified babysitting.

Are there negatives for the church members?

Since the youth minister will be around for a few years, there might be some members who will not work hard at getting to know him. The assumption might be that there is plenty of time to get to know the new youth minister, so why put effort into it now. Someone else might think that the only reason the youth minister spends time with the students is because its in the contract. And there might be someone who decides their help is not needed within the youth ministry, because the youth minister is going to be here for a few years.



What other differences do you think a five year commitment would make for the church members?
Do you think the church members would benefit from having a youth minister with a five year commitment to a local ministry?


Posts in this series:
1. The Introduction
2. The Youth Minister Difference
3. The Church Leadership/Staff Difference
4. The Church Membership Difference
5. The Students Difference

Book Review: Read and Share Toddler Bible

(This review is for anyone with little kids at home or someone who works with the children's ministry at church. You might want to look into this Bible as a good resource for having in the nursery or for gifts to parents of toddlers.)

Colorful illustrations, interactive activities and an animated DVD are all a part of the new Read and Share Toddler Bible. This Bible is designed with the toddler in mind. Each Bible story is short and includes three things: an easy-to-understand retelling of the story, colorful illustrations and an activity for parents to do with their child(ren). As a parent, one other feature I really found helpful was the Scripture references at the beginning of each story. This feature will allow parents to read the story and discover more details on their own.

The Read and Share Toddler Bible is a good first Bible for your little ones. Since there are forty Bible stories covered, your toddler will only hit some of the more well-known stories. The bright colors and easy-to-read stories will draw your toddler in, creating a great opportunity to teach about God's Word. As your child grows, you might want to allow them to read the stories on their own.

The DVD that comes with the Bible contains fourteen short animated stories. These are stories that are included in the Bible, though not every Bible story has an animated version. The videos and fun to watch and can be used to help your toddler follow along in the Bible.

Youth Ministry Budgeting: 5 Things a budget cannot buy

There are many things youth ministries buy with the money in their budgets: curriculum, food, convention costs, hotel rooms, food, prizes, books, etc.... (yes, I am aware that I typed "food" twice) As a youth minister, I try to determine the needs for the year as I try to figure out what budget we'll need. But there are always unexpected expenses that come up throughout the year for which you cannot budget. Beyond these unexpected expenses, there are other parts of youth ministry which you cannot budget for either - well, really they are things that no budget can buy.


5 Things a Youth Minister Can't Buy with a Budget...

1. High quality volunteers
2. Respect from parents
3. Relationships with students
4. Those "aha" moments where things start clicking
5. Eternal change


What else would you add to this list?

Youth Ministry Budgeting: Tips for Saving Money (5b of 5)

(This is part 2 of the final post in a 5 part series on youth ministry budgeting. You can see the earlier posts here: 1 - stewardship. 2 - categories part a and part b. 3 - process. 4 - to buy or not to buy. 5 - tips on saving money part 1)

No youth ministry is immune to the economic hardship facing our country. And in order to be better stewards of our resources (and possibly stay afloat), we all need to learn to save a few bucks. Here is part 2 of my thoughts on how to save money. To see the first 5 tips, go here.


6. Involve more adults
Instead of doing things like ordering pizza or catering all of your meals, think about asking people to help cook and serve the food. It doesn't have to be food, it can be decorating for a special event, setting up, manning the tables.

This tip was shared by Sara Eden , so I'll just let her share some thoughts about it.

"The other thing we've done is moved away from the church providing dinner at youth group each week. Now what we do is ask people to sign up to provide dinner. The really cool thing is that it's giving people who don't feel led toward the traditional 'youth ministry volunteer' role an opportunity to serve the ministry and get to know the students (and allow the students to get to know them). The people who cook for us are invited/encouraged to stay and eat dinner with us and then students help with clean up. It's another step toward healthy inter-generational relations. God took something that was done as an economic measure and turned it into another awesome opportunity for ministry. He's so good like that!"

7. Donations
We all need items for the youth ministry: chairs, couches, lighting, sound equipment, electronics, transportation. Instead of going out and buying them, ask people to donate them. (Now, when you do this be prepared to get people's junk. So either you need to be very specific, simply say "no thanks," or just throw it away later.)

This is something a friend of mine, Bill Nance, said he has been able to do in his ministry, which has helped since he doesn't have a big budget and really needs to stretch it.

8. Think "in house."
When you are planning an event, the two biggest costs are always the speaker and the band. Next time you are planning an event, think about using someone from within your ministry to do the speaking or worship (concert). If that will not work, try to find someone local to cut down on travel costs.

9. Use Open Source software
Instead of paying full price for your software - you might want to look into some of the open source alternatives. Most of them are just as good as the expensive versions, and they are free.

More information about open source software will be in another post.

10. Stop spending money
This sounds simple enough, doesn't it? But there are more than a few youth ministries that simply refuse to stop buying stuff. You do not need that new Wii or flat screen TV. You may not really need new carpet right now, it could wait a year or two longer.

The best way to save money in your youth ministry is to simply spend your money wisely. Think twice before making purchases. Hold off on major purchases as long as you can.


Six more ideas on stretching your budget.

A dad has many jobs through the years

As a dad, you have to wear many hats. And over the years, those hats change. Here is a quick look at how a dad's many jobs change over the course of being a dad (of at least what I imagine)...

When you have a toddler:
- toy repairman
- toy car mechanic
- financial planner
- story teller
- cartoon expert
- monster fighter
- comforter
- superman

When you have elementary age:
- math expert
- homework coach
- chauffeur
- wrestling opponent
- friend adviser
- financial adviser
- ball team coach

When you have a teenager:
- chauffeur
- relationship expert
- money tree
- rule enforcer
- college/career adviser
- car mechanic
- listener

Even though a dad's duties with his children changes over the years, I think there are a few things that never change.
1. Always love your wife. Model it to your children.
2. Show your children grace. It will teach them about God's grace.
3. Love, love, love.
4. Always keep the communication lines open. Listen more than you talk.
5. Pray every day for your children.

What would you add to the list of jobs a dad has over the years?

Technology & Your Teen: A parent seminar

I'm teaching a seminar on technology tonight. Its a seminar for any and all parents of teenagers in the congregation. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I'm hoping enough parents are concerned about the subject and want to learn more. I've found a lot of good material and really want to get it into some parents' hands.

If you get a chance, pray for it. thanks.

Here's the promo I used for it. (there is no sound)

life. love. pain.

This is a modified version of an article I wrote for the church's weekly Epistle back in January after my grandma passed away. I thought I'd share it with you all...

Life. Love. Pain. Three words that carry with them a lot of meaning. Meaning that changes over the years or through certain circumstances. Regardless of what they mean to you, these words are connected to memories and stir emotions.

Life. When I was younger, it meant getting to play anything I wanted to at any time. It has meant playing cars on the fireplace with my best friend. It has meant playing wiffle ball with the other kids on the street. More recently, it has meant playing cars and putting together puzzles with my two boys. It has also meant purposefully making time to do things with Amy.

Love. I like this word. It has been connected with Snoopy, Star Wars, and Full House. In high school, it was connected with anything from Third Day to golf. While I was dating Amy, love took on a new meaning (and became deeper). Today, my definition of love is still changing thanks to being married for 6 1/2 years and having two wonderful sons.

Pain. I don't like this word. I didn't like it when it was associated with falling down and scraping my knee. I didn't like it when it was associated with being picked last for the kickball game. I didn't like pain when it meant I was made fun of by other students. I didn't like it when it meant being far away from my family. I didn't like it when I sat at the breakfast table and got a call telling me my grandma had passed away.

Though I felt a lot of pain with my grandma's death, I know my grandpa experienced a deeper and more intense pain. I know this because I know how much he loved my grandma. They had spent their life together (65 years of marriage) and loved each other very deeply. My grandpa lost part of who he was when my grandma died. That is a pain I do not understand. But, I do understand that my grandpa would not give up the deep love to avoid the intense pain he is feeling.

This pain/love connection reminds me of another strong love which leads to intense pain: God's love for you. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Jesus knew the pain would come, but he chose to experience it because of his deep love for you. His love led to his pain.

Do you love others, even knowing you will be hurt? John says in 1 John 4:11, "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." Starting today, love one another. Your life will be richer because of it.

Reflections on: funerals

This past week, I attended two funerals in as many days. (there was another one that I was unable to attend this week, too) Before these two, the last funeral I was at was for my grandma a few months ago. With these funerals fresh in my mind, I have a few reflections I thought I would share.

Some reflections on funerals:

1. Words are difficult to come by.
2. You can tell a lot about a person's life at their funeral.
3. The loss of a loved one equals deep pain.
4. Even when you know your loved one is in a better place (Heaven), your joy for them is mixed with the pain of missing them.
5. Both funerals this week used Pr. 31 - I don't usually hear that passage at a funeral.
6. More comfort comes from God's Words than from anything a person can say.
7. Just being there is enough. One thing I experienced at my grandma's funeral was the power of presence (God's and those you love)
8. I don't remember much, if anything, of the message spoken at my grandma's funeral. And I'm ok with that.
9. Funerals, and the loss of a loved one, help remind us of the important things in life (God, family, friends)
10. As much as a funeral represents an end of a person's life on earth; it is much more a beginning of a life eternal.

Discussion Starter: School suspends student for mohawk

An Ohio school suspends student for mohawk, after two warnings. Its a short article, but it says a lot about how some parents parent.

Listen to this quote from the end of the article:

Rather than request a hearing to appeal the suspension, Barile (the mom) said she'll enroll him at another school. Changing the hairstyle is not an option, she said.

"It's something that he really likes," Barile said. "When people hear Mohawk, they think it's long, it's spiked, it's crazy looking, and it's really not."

"Changing the hairstyle is not an option." Strong words. Is she taking it too far? Did the school go too far? I wonder what the boy thinks about all of this.

Use this to start discussion on respecting authority, rules, conforming, being different, facing a problem, running away from problems, outer appearance

Teens Lie to their parents

Here is an article from the New Yorker on how teens learn to lie to their parents. Here is the first paragraph:

Kids lie early, often, and for all sorts of reasons—to avoid punishment, to bond with friends, to gain a sense of control. But now there’s a singular theory for one way this habit develops: They are just copying their parents.

Its an interesting article, well worth the time to read. Kind of makes you think about the example you are setting for the students in the youth ministry, or it should.


(gracias a PlanetWisdom)

DayZLoop.com: site for teen girls

I heard about DayZLoop.com today and thought it looked pretty interesting. Think: a good site to let the teen girls in our ministries know about. It looks like a good place for teen girls to go online, unfortunately I can't see too much without becoming a member. All the stuff I can see on the home page looks good.

Have you ever heard of it before? Anyone know a teen girl who is a member?

I'm gonna pass it along to some of my parents and teen girls. Thought you might like to pass it along to your youth group girls.

Here is what there "about" page says,

DayZloop.com is the first online infotainment TV network covering all areas of a teen girl's life. This educational and fun environment provides an essential foundation for female youth to connect, learn, interact and have direct access to information, tools and tips that support, inspire and assist them to develop and build their self-esteem.

dayZloop.com covers a full range of topics: lifestyle, spirituality, finance, entertainment, interior design, and society. The content is provided by field experts and updated on a regular basis, incorporating subscribers' topic selection and feedback. This creates organic content growth, increasing the platform's value and relevance.

The content is delivered via online video mini-series, audio shows/podcasts, online discussions & forums; and, more standard means such as publishing and posting online news and articles.

Unexpected Encouragement

I was given some unexpected encouragement by a parent the other day. We were at an event and a parent told me he needed to talk to me. I didn't know exactly what to expect next, as the conversation could have went many directions. Instead of anything negative, I was given a little encouragement.

This parent told me that there has been a change in his children, a good change. They like the environments we have created for their ages and enjoy coming to various events and classes. These were encouraging words to me. A lift to my spirit amid some otherwise negative moments as of late. This parent went on to say that beyond the "programs" we have for his kids, they really like me. His children like being in my class and like hanging out with me.

That statement was like fresh water to a half empty well of encouragement. I'm not trying to say I want to or need to be "liked" by every student that comes through the doors (though that would be pretty great wouldn't it?), but making a connection with them is the goal.

He wanted to let me know I was making an impact. I was positively affecting his children.

May you be reminded today that you are making a difference. Your ministry is impacting those you minister to. God is using you to change lives, don't ever forget that.

Youth Trip Truth #1

"If you send it, they will spend it"

I've been on many trips where at least one student doesn't have enough money for the last meal because they spent it all on other stuff. Sometimes that stuff is snacks or a t-shirt. But I now just remind parents that if they send $40 with their child, their child will spend $40.

There was this one trip, where the student was doing really well at not spending too much money. Then on the last day, he lost a $20 and had no more money. It was sad. A few of his friends helped him out with dinner, but I don't think he ever found the money.

Do you have a good (bad) story about a student spending all of their money days before the trip was over?

to quote someone else: Kenda Creasy Dean (passion)

"Passionless Christianity has nothing to die for; it practices assimilation, not oddity. Passionless Christians lead sensible lives, not subversive ones; we are benignly 'nice' instead of dangerously loving. We become a race of amputees, cutting off passion - that divinely appointed impetus toward the Other - in order to fit in with all the other limbless Christians who are incapable of reaching out. Every now and then we feel a phantom pain, an impulse toward suffering love. But for the most part, we have learned to live without capacity to extend ourselves."

taken from Practicing Passion: Youth and the quest for a passionate church by Kenda Creasy Dean

So many youth ministries have become passionless. Oh, we're not boring. A lot of teenagers would say we're fun and exciting. We have a good show. We have energy. We have hype. We use technology. But there is no passion. No passion for Christ.

All the hype and excitement is easily mistaken for passion. But we have become passionless Christians gathering together in a passionless youth group.

Are you encouraging your students to live like Christ? Or are you encouraging them to become good citizens?

One of my biggest struggles comes from parents. I have met far too many parents who just wanted me (the youth minister) to help their children become good students, good children or just good citizens. They do not really want their children to do anything too strange or different. They want me to teach their children the Bible and go on trips, but don’t schedule it during sports (or my children won’t be there).

What do we do? I think we, youth workers, must help parents rekindle their passion for Christ. We have to teach everyone what it means to follow God (and it’s not about looking good in the community). We must be full of passion ourselves. If we, the spiritual leaders, are not passionate about Christ then neither will our students.

What do you think? Are American churches passionless?

Parent(less) Meeting

If you have a parent meeting and no parent shows up, can you still put it on your elder report?

I'm supposed to be in a parent meeting right now, but no one showed up. Man, is this frustrating.

But I get to go home early and hang out with my family. So, its not all bad. :)

Today is Nathan's birthday party! He turns 3 on Monday.

girls basketball

Well, starting yesterday I am by myself for a few days. :( And I have no car. But that's okay, because I live in a small town and most everyone passes by my house when they are going to the school, so I get a ride from my sr. pastor.

Last night was a long night. I stayed at work til about 6ish. Then rode home and tried to get a quick bite for supper (its a lot harder to do "quick" meals when your wife doesn't get them ready beforehand). Needless to say, last night's supper was pretty low on the "let's make a good well balanced meal" and high on the "gotta eat quick and get to the game" level. Anyhow, I got to the game in the 3rd quarter of the JV.

Ok, lets talk about JV sports. Last night felt like watching a middle school game. Neither team was making any shots they took. There were so many turnovers that I lost track. Even a few from people just losing the dribble, while standing still. Now, I'm not trying to bring them down - because I don't think I would get out there (in fact I didn't when I was in high school). It just seemed to be a little worse than normal. So, the game ended up 28 to 25. We won, but not without trying to let them. They just could not make a shot.

The varsity game was a little different. For one, the ball handling was a lot better and the shooting was better (though there were still a few air balls, but don't we all do that). Halftime of the game, the score had already suppassed the JV game. The final was 56-39 - we won again. I think it was the first time all season both teams won the same night. It was also senior recognition.

For the first time this year I was able to stay for the whole game. I don't get to watch most of the varsity games due to the need to get the boys home and in bed. So since I was alone, I stayed for all the game (plus I knew I had to walk home and was avoiding that at all costs). One thing I was encouraged by last night was the coaches. They did not seem overly aggressive at the players. Yeah, they "encouraged" them to play better, but I never heard or saw any downgrading of the players. The coaches were very encouraging after the game and even during the game when certain calls were not made.

And the best part was being able to interact with students and parents/adults from the community. I think a lot of the students are getting used to seeing me and know who I am. I hope they know my concern for them and would feel comfortable coming to me if they ever need anything. Building relationships is the real reason I go to the games. To be honest, I would much rather stay home and spend time with family or read :) (well, most days)

Now, if I can just get more of the youth coaches to go.

Dakota Fanning's rape scene

I just heard about this on the Youth Ministry Exchange forums yesterday. Since I had not heard of it I wasn't sure what to think. I didn't know how much was shown, how it was shot or anything. I just found another article on the subject. You can read the whole thing here, but here is a part that caught my attention...

The disturbing scene lasts a few minutes but is not graphic. There is no nudity, the scene is very darkly lit and only Fanning's face and hand are shown.

Kampmeier said it took her a decade to get the film made, largely because of the rape scene, but cutting it was a compromise she was unwilling to make.

"This issue is so silenced in our society. There are a lot of women who are alone with this story," she said.

"When you're shooting a film, it's the images you line up next to each other that create a story," Kampmeier said. "If you have a hand hitting the ground, Dakota screaming 'stop' and you see a zipper unzip - that creates a rape."

I do not think anyone, regardless of age, should have to go through filming a rape scene. I would assume the mental battles with that would last a long time. I would hope the depiction from the article, of a non-graphic scene, is what is in the movie. I will probably never know, because I probably will never see the film. I would also hope the shooting of the scene was done with the utmost decency and respect.

Was it right for her to shoot it? Was it right for the director to keep it in the film? Should followers of Christ boycott the film? Will this film help some women feel more able to talk about a past rape?

This is what Dakota says at the end of the article:

"It's not really happening," Fanning said of a rape. "It's a movie, and it's called acting. I'm not going through anything. Cody and Isabelle aren't going through anything, their characters are.

"And for me, when it's done it's done," she said. "I don't even think about it anymore."

With all of the publicity and media attention on this one scene, I don't think she will be able to say "I don't think about it anymore" for a while. Even if she has moved on, I don't think the culture will for awhile.

What about her mom? I don't think that I would want my child to go through a scene like that. Maybe its because I'm not an actor, nor the parent of an actor. But I just don't know what to make. Its just the same thing I feel about Jessica Simpsons' dad (her manager and former minister) being completely ok with her doing all the sensual stuff and not having a problem with it. Does Hollywood have different standards and do you conform to them to "make it"?

Walk the Line

yesterday my wife and I watched Walk the Line for the first time. Though it was not a straight viewing (thanks to kids and eating) it was nice to watch a movie with her. I had heard a lot about the movie but hadn't seen it. In college I had a friend who was a huge Johnny Cash fan, so I knew a little about him.

A few thoughts on the movie (based strictly on the movie)...

1. Cash lived by his emotions
2. I was reminded of the fact that when we think others (esp. those in the spotlight) have a better life than us we often forget about that "rest of their life". You know that part we don't often know about. We compare ourselves to what we know about the other person, not the total of who they are.
3. As a dad, I can play a huge part of how my boys see themselves. My words and actions can affect their life and actions.
4. It is hard to be a friend when your friend is hurting themselves.
5. temptation is strong and sometimes it takes others to step in to get us to stop the cycle of giving in.

freshman basketball reviewed

Monday night was quite interesting. Nathan and I went to the basketball game. I was expecting a small crowd and some good basketball - adding up to a great father/son night. Well the crowd was rather small. Probably a bit smaller than the girls games, mainly b/c there were less students. The game was pretty good. It was actually a higher scoring game than I expected (50 to 40). And it was a great father/son night for me. But one thing I didn't expect. Really angry and loud spectators. I mean, come on its freshmen basketball.

We actually got there at the beginning, well close to the beginning, of the game. Within a few minutes of arriving it started. The refs weren't calling plays, the crowd thought they could ref better. (Now, I know this is not new nor is this behavior likely to change, but its freshmen high school basketball and the only person talking about it today is me) Most of the comments were coming from parents/fans from the visiting school. The yelling started getting louder and louder. You could feel the intensity rising in the gym. What is sad is that as the parents began to yell louder and with more anger, the players started playing more aggressively. By the end of the first half there was only 5 fouls total. By the end of the game there were at least 18. Players were blatantly trying to trip others, grabbing an arm, shoving. It was really sad to watch it unfold.

Nathan didn't notice much, though. Because about 1/2 way through the game he just began to play. I think we played more with the few toys he brought than actually watched the game. He did turn around a few times and try to figure out why the people were yelling.

Why must people be so negative when things don't go their way in sports? And I know its not just a localized problem. I've ran into it in various church softball leagues and other sports events I've been to. Monday night just seemed really intense.

What does this behavior do to the students playing the sports? How does their attitude change? Doesn't this "yelling at the refs" just take responsibility away from the losing team. See, its not our fault we're losing, its the refs. Why does it matter so much that we lose. Now, don't get me wrong I like to win, but in the end it doesn't amount to much.

I think that is enough ranting for now.

parents meeting

The parents meeting on Saturday went rather well. Not as many parents as I would have hoped, but it was my first one. A better "attitude/vibe" in the room this time around. It was pretty cool, because while talking about some upcoming events that were not finalized we actually finalized the details in the meeting. The parents want to help and want to be a part of the process and I want to help them by being a resource not a "babysitter"

So good meeting. And I've talked with a few other parents who were asking about the meeting and will be a part of future ones.

In the end - encouraging!