Journey of Starting a New Ministry - month 1 (1 of 2)

The first month of a new ministry is very important. It is important for both you and the congregation. During this first month, you will be developing habits and routines which you will continue to use for a long time. You are beginning to set the precedent for what people can expect from you. The congregation will use these first four weeks to watch how you interact and listen to how you present yourself. The are interested in what you will bring to the ministry. Most of these people, even some of those who met you prior to being hired, have not had much time to meet you and ask you questions.

No two ministers will have the same first month at a new ministry. You might preach every week or not at all. You might not even be on stage during this month. You might teach multiple classes or you might be able to sit in and observe. You might have a death in the congregation or maybe its a wedding. You might start in the middle of summer or the middle of winter. Despite the fact that every start to a ministry is so vastly different, I believe there are some things that every minister needs to accomplish during this time.

Tips for Month #1:
1. Learn names
This goes for those who are good at remembering names and those who forget ten seconds after you are told. Knowing the name of a student or adult makes it much easier to start conversations. Plus everyone likes to know that you care enough to learn their name.

2. Implement office hours & your day off
As you are starting your new ministry, you are forming new habits and routines. One of those routines needs to be setting up, and following through with, the hours you will spend in the office and what day you will be staying away from the office. There is plenty of “work” to be done at the beginning of a ministry and you will leave many days knowing there is much more you can do. Do not let the feeling that you need to prove yourself keep you from setting up limitations.

3. Plan informal gatherings with youth
You need to get to know the students, and that will not completely happen in the classroom setting. So plan some time to hang out with them away from church. You can plan a day in the park, go out to lunch, plan a game night or just plan a day to hang out at someone’s house. Do not use this time to give a devotional or plan upcoming events, just spend time talking and listening.

4. Get to know the adults (parents, youth coaches, elders...)
Aside from the students you will be ministering to, you need to learn more about the adults you will be working with. Meet for lunch or stop by their house (call beforehand). Ask a few questions about their family. Learn about their passions and what drives them. Share your heart for ministry. 

Teaching Tips: #1 Silence is Okay

Teaching Tip #1 - Silence is Okay
 
 
I was fresh out of Bible college, in my first youth ministry, sitting on a couch teaching high school students. I had spent hours preparing this lesson, studying the Bible, and crafting great questions to get the students talking. As I sat there going through my lesson notes, there was only one thing wrong: no one was answering. I was beginning to wonder what I had done wrong. Maybe my questions were too difficult or unclear. Maybe the students didn’t like me. As I thought through my concerns, all I could hear from them was silence. So I just kept moving. I answered the questions myself or just moved on to the next one. And when it was all over, I left feeling like I just wasted an hour of their life.

Have you ever had that same feeling?

What I have learned since then is that it was not necessarily my questions that were at fault, it was the way I was teaching. I was not allowing the students time to process the questions and formulate an answer. I assumed that silence meant they were either not interested or clueless. The silence scared me as a teacher. This fear of silence was a manifestation of my lack of confidence. Maybe you have the same fear of silence, too. If you do, let me share with you some things I have learned over the years.

Silence can mean a few things:
1. There is a fear of being wrong.
Sometimes, the students are silent after a question because they do not want to get the question wrong. School is a place with right and wrong answers and this mentality carries over into the youth ministry. As the teacher, one of your goals is to create a safe environment, where the students trust that their thoughts are valuable.

2. There answer is too personal to share with the group.
There are some questions we ask that go straight to the heart of a student. These are questions that spark life application and change. These are the questions that really affect the students. These are also the questions that need not always be answered verbally. Are you expecting a student to tell everyone else in class something that might be too personal?

3. The students do not have an answer.
Remember that time you were at a seminar and the speaker asked a question and you could not think of an answer. It happens to our students, too. Every student does not enter the room having spent the last week preparing to discuss the topic of the day. Some students enter the room with a dozen other things on their mind, all of which are competing for their attention. These mental distractions can make it difficult to quickly come up with answer, so try to remember not to rush them.

4. They are processing the question.
After you ask a question, especially an open-ended question, you need to give the students a chance to process. As the teacher, you have had days to think about the questions. The students, on the other hand, have only had seconds. You cannot expect a student to immediately answer. So stop expecting it and allow them time to think.

How to handle silence:
1. Give the students time.
After you ask a question, allow the students a few minutes to formulate their answers. One of the worst things you can do is to continually talk while you wait. You might need to offer suggestions and helps, but do not immediately start with them.

2. Pick students to answer.
If you have some questions to ask that are based off of a Scripture you will be reading, let a few students know that you will be asking them a question after the Scripture is read. This “warning” should encourage them to pay more attention to what is being read.

3. Start with questions everyone needs to answer.
This is especially helpful one of the first times the group is together, but it will help anytime. At the beginning of class, ask a couple questions that need to be answered by everyone. Do not make them too difficult or too narrow. You want the students to start thinking and to feel more comfortable talking in the group.

Do you have any other suggestions for handling silence?

Journey of starting a new ministry - week 4

(Over the next few months, maybe longer, I will be writing weekly posts on my journey of starting a new youth ministry position. The focus will be on general tips and suggestions for any youth minister starting a new position, but I will add-in moments specific to my situation. My goal is to offer advice to help other youth ministers and not write an online journal of my own personal experiences. In order to make this series of articles as beneficial as I can, I would appreciate your feedback and thoughts. And remember as you read about my journey in a new youth ministry that every situation is different; therefore, these ideas are just ideas and suggestions. You need to know your church culture and adjust your week-by-week to fit those needs.)


Week 4
Last week was about little things, this week was more about surprises.

This was the week I was glad I spent the first few weeks getting my office organized (well, mostly organized). You see, this week I needed to know where certain books were and find old information. I felt like I was really starting to settle into the ministry and spending a lot more time dreaming/planning/ministering during the week. This week was the first week that felt “normal” (if there is such a thing as a normal week for a youth minister) when I think of what I want to do each week. I still know that this is just the beginning and I have a long way to go before I get to where I want to be. To put it another way, this was the first week I did not feel completely new to this position and that surprised me.

Another interesting thing happened to me this week. Last week, I planned two lunch gatherings for the students. Both days went well and I knew I would do it again, maybe every other week. This week I did not plan any lunches, but on two different occasions I had a couple students ask when they were. I did not expect that question, but am glad I was asked. I was planning on continuing with an every other week schedule through the rest of the summer, but might switch to every week - only once a week, instead of twice. These lunches will be a good way to build relationships with the students in a very informal setting.

Another surprising part of the week was when I realized that some aspects of ministry never change. No, I’m not talking about the fact that students don’t change, they just change names. I’m not even talking about the job descriptions or responsibilities placed on a youth minister. I am talking about some of the tendencies and habits a youth minister acquires based on certain situations. Let’s say, for example, a youth worker is undermined and threatened early in his ministry and develops a tendency to be defensive when talking with those in leadership. You would think this behavior would stop when the youth worker is years removed from the incident and at a new location. I was reminded this week that it is not always that easy.

There is one last thing I would suggest you remember at this point in your ministry because it will help with the transition. I would suggest that you intentionally work with those who were planning and organizing the different aspects of the ministry before you arrived. As much as the person might want to just dump the responsibility into your lap, do not let them. Try to work with them and learn from what they were doing. You might just pick up a nugget of wisdom that was learned through mistakes, thus helping you avoid the same mistakes. Wisdom like: making sure you remind teachers it is there month when the first or second of the month lands on a Sunday.

Week 4 Bulletpoints:
- try to meet with the parents of those “exiting” your ministry
- find a small, positive change you can make & make it
- continue making initial contacts with parents
- be visible during the church services

Goals of the near future:
- develop a vision & goals that coincide with those of the entire church
- learn the passion/heart of the youth coaches
- encourage youth coaches
- learn more names




-----------
Previous weekly perspectives: week 1, week 2, week 3,

(Not so) Practical Graduation Gifts

While there are plenty of good graduation gift ideas out there, I thought you might to see some not-so-practical ideas. None of these gifts are on the same level of non-practical.


1. Super Soaker
2. WWJD bracelet (tye-dye, of course)
3. Pet Rock, with graduation year printed on it
4. WOW '97 CD
5. A few pizzas from your last pizza fundraiser
6. Leftover Mountain Dew from the New Year's overnighter
7. Any Thomas Kinkade print
8. A coffee cup that says "Best Graduate Ever"
9. A Psalty throw pillow


What would you add to this list?

Every Youth Worker Needs: to be able to write postcards

(Youth ministry is not an easy ministry. And in this series, Every Youth Worker Needs:..., I want to highlight a variety of things that might make your ministry a little easier. This ongoing series will include ministry tips, book suggestions, technology helps, and many other nuggets of advice.)


Most students seem to have one preferred method of communication - text messaging. Many students (as well as adults) use their cell phones to send more text messages then to make phone calls. I know several students who spend 100% of their time on their cell phone just sending text messages. The youth culture is becoming (some areas have already become) focused on instant communication sent using technology. This attachment to technology is exactly the reason why every youth worker needs to be able to write a postcard.

The goal is to regularly connect with students and parents through a postcard. Remember that what you write on one side can (and will) be read by many more people than just the intended audience.


Benefits of writing postcards
1. Shorter length.
A postcard only has a little room for the message, so you do not feel pressure to write more than a paragraph. This allows you to focus on one key point. There will be times that you struggle to even write a postcard, imagine how you would feel if you needed to fill an entire page. You can keep your message short and not feel the need to stretch it out just to fill a certain space.

2. Shows importance.
A written postcard shows the recipient that they are important enough for you to take the extra time to hand write the note and not just send an email. People are accustomed to receiving emails, text messages, and phone calls. Taking the time to do a little extra will reinforce that the person has value as an individual. Writing a postcard is a great way to rise above the normal.

3. Big impact.
Writing a postcard does not take a lot of time; therefore, you get a lot of impact for a small amount of work. You can write three or four postcards in 15 minutes, but the impact will last for years. Remember that emails are quickly deleted or left to collect digital dust, but a hand-written postcard will be kept by most students. And when they find your postcard while cleaning up their room, they will remember more than just the words written - they will remember your impact.

Tips on writing postcards
1. Use printed address labels.
I have found that using printed address labels for most postcards does not take away from the personal touch. (Plus if you are the lead youth worker - making these labels available to your team makes it even easier for them to write postcards.) You can print both the recipient's label and the return address label or you can just print the return address label. Using labels saves a few minutes and helps you keep track of who you have and haven't sent postcards to lately.

2. Use 4x6 pictures as the postcard.
People love to see pictures of themselves. Why not, turn a picture into a postcard? This works great when you are writing about a specific event. Not only are you able to speak into the person's life, but you are also giving them a very tangible memento. Before digital cameras became so popular, it was fairly easy to just use one of your extra printed pictures. Today, you have to go and purposely have the picture printed. This might seem like extra work, but I think it allows you the ability to choose a great picture (and the ability to edit it when needed).

3. Find funny or unique postcards.
Using pictures of the students is great, but sending funny postcards can be just as good. When you are traveling, keep an eye out for unusual postcards. Find postcards with funny pictures that remind you of a student or two. You can find some great postcards at very touristy stores. My favorite postcard was bought from a Hallmark that was going out of business. It said "welcome" on the front and looked like a miniature version of a welcome mat, complete with artificial green grass. I used it to send to visiting students as a follow-up to their visiting our group.

4. Block out time to write.
Schedule time each week to write a few postcards to different students. I have found that if I do not plan on writing notes to students, it will get pushed off. The more I push this task to the bottom of my "to-do" list, the more unlikely I am to do it at all. The easiest way to block out time to write postcards is to find fifteen minutes in your schedule each week. It might be right before your weekly staff meeting, first thing Monday morning, or after you get back from lunch. It does not matter when you schedule postcard time, but you do need to make time for it.

5. Track each sent postcard.
Keep track of who you send each postcard to. I use a printed sheet with each student's name, but you can use excel or another youth tracking software, too. You can track on a monthly basis, but make sure you keep your old records. Use this information to make sure you write at least one postcard to every student on a regular basis. Along with postcards, make sure you are making other contacts with the students and their families.

6. Be specific.
Write an encouraging message or talk about something you saw them do. Do NOT use the postcard to simply promote an upcoming event. This shows that you are more concerned with their attendance than anything else. It is much more effective to keep the note simple and related to one specific event, action, or attitude.


Hand-written postcards are a great youth ministry tool. When was the last time you sent one?

(Every Youth Worker Needs: A Blog Series About Things You Need in Youth Ministry)

"Minute to Win It" - youth ministry game resource

Over the last few weeks, I have watched previews for NBC's new shows. One show in particular caught my attention (and the attention of the rest of the youth ministry world) "Minute to Win It." Basically, contestants have one minute to complete a game using simple household items. If they complete ten games, then they win 1 million dollars. As I watched the commercials, I kept seeing games I have played with my youth groups. One is the "shrinking grocery bag" game (where the bag keeps getting shorter and shorter and you have to pick it up with your teeth.) I like the single player version better than the way I played. At a 30 Hour Famine we played where you went around a circle and everyone tried to pick it up. My version is not nearly as sanitary as the games version.

If you have not heard of "Minute to Win It" you need to check it out. It's on Sunday nights at 7 central. You also need to check out the website for the game. Up until a few days ago, I knew about the game, but I had not realized that the show's website would be a great help to youth workers until I read Youth Ministry Geek's post. You need to go check out the game vault and use a game or two.

Before I hit "publish" I feel I need to offer this word of warning to youth workers everywhere. Please do not saturate the youth ministry world with an abundance of "Minute to Win It" games or retreats or evangelism events. These games will be a great addition to your events, but DO NOT overdue it. I saw it happen with youth ministry versions of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" (and many other pop culture things) and students get tired of it.


Remember that moderation is a good thing.

One last comment (question). I know there will be a t-shirt soon based on "Minute to Win It," but I just can't figure out what it will say. Do you have any thoughts?

to quote someone else: Student Discipleship (Mike Yaconelli)

"Most of all, love them. Believe in them. Trust them. Be an example for them. Stick with them over the long haul. And some day, when they're older, when they've weathered a few storms, when they've been beaten up by life a bit, they may actually start looking like a disciple - not because you discipled them, but because you refused to give up on them."

taken from Getting Fired for the Glory of God by Mike Yaconelli


Youth workers need to be reminded that youth ministry (and discipleship) is not a sprint. Remember that Jesus spent 3 years with His disciples, and they still did not get until after He left.

Do not give up!
Do not feel defeated!
Keep going!
Stick with your students!

Every Youth Worker Needs: Less Sarcasm

(Youth ministry is not an easy ministry. And in this series, Every Youth Worker Needs:..., I want to highlight a variety of things that might make your ministry a little easier. This ongoing series will include ministry tips, book suggestions, technology helps, and many other nuggets of advice.)

If you would have known me in high school and college, you would have a hard time believing I wrote the title of this post. Allow me to explain to you, in one sentence, what I mean. I used to be extremely sarcastic. It was simply "who I was" and how I interacted with others. In fact, it was so extreme that I lost a college roommate because he thought I was too sarcastic. We had many (probably at least one a week) conversations over my use of sarcasm and his belief that I used it a little too much. I defended myself back then and despite trying to refrain around him, I did little to change my sarcastic attitude.

Then there came this point where I actually regretted who I had become. For many years, the one word that described me was "sarcastic" and sadly, this followed me into my first ministry. It was years into my ministry before I realized just how my sarcasm was negatively affecting the students and the ministry. As easy as it was for me to be sarcastic - it was pretty second nature for me - I knew I needed to put a stop to it. I don't remember if I ever sat down with my youth ministry team, the students or the families and told them that I was going to be less sarcastic. I don't think it was as important to tell people as it was to actually change my words and attitude. And as I changed into a less sarcastic person, I could see visible changes happening within the group.

As I changed, I saw a vanishing of the distance (caused by my sarcasm) between myself and some of the people I was trying to minister to. I wonder what "could have been" during the first two years had I learned sooner. From my experience, I have seen four negatives to using sarcasm in your youth ministry.

4 negatives to using sarcasm in youth ministry.

1. Students do not know when they can trust you.
Okay, so that might be a strong, and over-the-top statement that is not true all the time, but I think its still worth thinking about. When a student asks a question or makes a statement, are they worried about what you will say in return? The more you use sarcasm in your responses, the less students want to open their mouth and say anything. Students need to know they can trust your response to their thoughts and emotions (the stuff they say and do expresses these two) and that your response will be positive or at least neutral, not damaging.

2. Someone (usually a student) gets their feelings hurt.
Sarcasm is known for being "biting." In my experience, any time it is used it results in hurt feelings. Its not the person using sarcasm that is hurt, nor those who hear it, but the person to whom it is directed toward. As a youth worker, more often than not, we tend to direct sarcasm at a student. And when this student laughs we think we have accomplished the exact opposite of hurt. In reality, we are only fooling ourselves. No student walks away from a sarcastic remark without feeling some level of pain, especially if they respect the person who said it.

3. It neither lifts up or encourages.
Youth ministry needs to be a safe place for students to be. When sarcasm is acceptable and prevalent within a youth ministry, it seizes to be a safe place. Throughout the Bible we are told to encourage each other and lift each other up. Sarcasm hinders us from showing the love of God to those who need it.

4. Simply put, it is cheap humor.
There is no way around this one. If you are looking for a cheap laugh, say something sarcastic. But is this what our youth ministries need? I don't think so. If you want to be funny, put more effort into it. And remember, you do not need to get a laugh every time you talk to someone. Your ministry is about connecting students with a loving God - not making jokes or getting students to think you are funny.


There are still occasions where sarcasm flows from my lips, but it is much fewer and far between. Not to mention, it is very rarely around a student. Yet, the very fact that I still have moments of sarcastic behavior means I need to be intentional about taming my tongue (see James 3:1-12, especially v. 10). I encourage you to take sarcasm out of your talks, out of your conversations with students, and allow your words to be an encouragement to those students you are ministering to.


(Every Youth Worker Needs: A Blog Series About Things You Need in Youth Ministry)

Book Review: Choose Your Top 3

I really like the Quick Questions series that Youth Specialties has been publishing for the past few years (I really don't know how long). One of the more recent editions is a book called "Choose Your Top 3." As the title implies, the whole book is full of questions that ask the person to choose their top 3. It could be top 3 pop songs, disney movies, baseball players, memories. I recently wrote a review for YS on this book. You can read my review of Choose Your Top 3 in its entirety over on YS.com

If you are a youth worker, you will get a lot of use out of this book. (Think long road trips or those last few minutes of class after you run out of material.)

Using the Super Bowl within your Youth Ministry

(I posted these ideas last year and over the last few weeks this post has been getting a lot of traffic from searches. So I thought I would repost my 5 tips on using the Super Bowl in your youth ministry.)


The Super Bowl is less than a month away (2.7.10) and we do not know who will be playing. But for most youth ministries, one thing is true - a lot of your students will be talking about it. This can mean the potential to connect with a greater number of students. There are several things you can do within your youth ministry to connect to the Super Bowl "hype." Take one or more of these ideas and use it within your ministry. And I'd love to hear what effect it has on your ministry.


5 ideas for using the Super Bowl in your youth ministry.
1. Host a Super Bowl Party
This includes finding a house with enough room to hold the students a big enough TV for everyone to watch. Or you could hold it at church if you have the room/technology.

Supplies:

• Food (I suggest pizza and chips & dip for sure)
• TV or multiple TVs
• Devotion or something for halftime
• Handout, trivia questions and ideas or quiz sheet
  
• prizes for winners of score contest. halftime and end of game
• prizes for contest sheet winners
• plastic silverware, cups, plates

2. Create your own Super Bowl Commercial Contest.
Have the students come up with a 30 second commercial that they want to air during the Super Bowl. You could either have them make up a product or use a real one. You will want to set obvious guidelines; language and such. Have them turn the commercials early enough to give you time to watch them and get them ready be viewed. My suggestion is that you watch them during halftime of the game. Plus you can put them on your group's YouTube, Vimeo, or webpage - that way the students can watch them over and over again.

3. Discuss why the Super Bowl is such a big deal.
Take some time before the big game and talk about why this is the biggest sporting event all year.

4. Participate in the Souper Bowl outreach event.
This is a great way to raise some money and help out a local soup kitchen. Go to the website to find out more and get your students involved. Get all of your downloadable resources here that you'll need to promote.

5. Use the commercials to start discussion on a number of topics.
After the Super Bowl, you could take a few weeks and steer some discussion to the topics brought up during the commercials. Or use the commercials as illustrations or intro material for the your messages.


How do you use the Super Bowl in your ministry? What have you done in the past? We'd love to hear some of your past highlights, please leave a comment to share with the youth ministry community.

Best of '09: Blog Posts

The year 2009 A.D. is almost over. The past 12 months have brought with them many new things; some good, some bad, and some not worth mentioning. I would like to take some time and highlight some of my favorite parts of 2009. I will call this list the "best of '09" - which simply means that, in my opinion, these are the best items in a certain category. I fully expect you to disagree with some of my choices or to be upset I did not add other items to the list. If you feel this way, please add your "best of '09" ideas in the comments.

The fifth list will be blog posts. This will be a list of my favorite posts from this site, there are simply too many from other people to go into that list. These are the posts I liked the best, sparked discussion or simply got the most traffic. This list is in no particular order.


5 Ways to use the Super Bowl in Youth Ministry - I shared five ways to use the Super Bowl in your youth ministry. Maybe you could use these tips this year.

It's Not About You - A reminder that your current situation may not be about you.

5 Things that would have been great April Fool's Day jokes (had they not been real) - Just a fun list of products that would be funny if they were not actual products.

You Might be a Youth Worker if... - a startling revelation from a conversation with a student.

Finding Rest in the Summer - a few tips on how to find rest during the busy summer months.

An Open Letter to Youth Ministry Search Teams - I wrote this to the many search teams looking for a youth minister. I hope search teams read it and make needed adjustments.

Life, Death, & the Uncertainty of it All - A reflection on the shortness of life and what God promises to those who love him.

6 Saddest Verses in the Bible - a quick look at some sad verses in Scripture.

Youth Ministry Budgeting Series - a 5 part series with tips and thoughts on improving your youth ministry budget.

5 Year Youth Ministry Contract Series - some thoughts on what would happen if youth ministers signed a 5 year contract.



Other posts in this series:
Best of '09 - Music
Best of '09 - Youth Ministry Books
Best of '09 - Non-Ministry Books
Best of '09 - Websites
Best of '09 - Blog posts
Best of '09 - Web Apps
Best of '09 - Ministry Moments
Best of '09 - Random Favorites

Relational Communication

(This article was originally posted on YW Journal, you can read & comment on it here on this blog or over at YW Journal)

When was the last time you had a significant conversation with a student? I'm not talking about the "I want to give my life to Christ for the first time" kind of conversation. I'm talking about the conversation where you hear about a recent fight with a parent. Or the conversation that details a student's struggle to control anger and the desire to get a handle on it. Maybe it is centered around the difficulty of being a Christian example at school.

Having any type of conversation that goes beyond a surface-level can be difficult for many adults. Let's just be honest, teenagers can be very moody and hard to understand, which makes talking with them intimidating to many adults. To make the situation even worse, most adults are so intimidated that the paid youth worker has to carry the responsibility of talking with 100% of the teenagers who come through the church doors, plus a few extra from the community. But there is a better way.

It's not just for paid staff
Paid youth workers are not the only people qualified to have significant conversations with teenagers, in fact any adult can do it. But these significant conversations do not happen by accident, it will take effort and a better understanding of teenagers. First of all, students do not withhold talking to someone just because the person is not a youth worker. In fact, there are many students who are less willing to talk about certain issues with a youth worker than anyone else.

Being on both sides of the youth worker role, paid full-time and volunteer, has given me a new insight into one of the keys to effectively communicating with teenagers. The key is not in asking just the right questions. Nor is the key found in the location of the conversation (ie. better conversation is not had while drinking coffee at the local coffee shop). The key to effective communication with teenagers is having a relationship with them.

A listening ear
This truth became vividly clear to me one day while I was subbing in the local high school. At the time I was not in a full-time youth minister position, but I had been in the area for a few years and knew most of the students in the school. Most of the students knew who I was and they knew one of the reasons I was subbing was because I genuinely care for teenagers. During this particular day, I had three significant conversations with students - the kind of "ministry conversations" every youth worker longs to have with students.

I did not plan to have these conversations, in fact I almost missed one because I was reluctant to stop what I was doing to talk to the student. (I'm so glad I stopped and listened) Since I did not plan these conversations, what made them happen? The only connection between all three conversations was my ongoing relationship with the student. I had known them for years and they knew I truly cared for them and desired the best for their life. My relationship with the student was the key to unlocking significant conversation and that day I was reminded of how much students will share when they know you care.

Build relationships
So, how does an adult who cares about teenagers take advantage of this relational aspect to significant conversations? For starters, if you sit down with a student and its the first time you start thinking about having a significant conversation with them, then its already too late. This relational communication will take foresight and planning on your part. The first step happens when you begin to intentionally focus on building a relationship with the student. Now, this is not a form of manipulation used to get the student to talk to you - if you are not genuinely concerned with the student's life, then they will know and they will not talk to you anyway. You cannot be fake with a student!

Actually if you are involved with youth ministry in any fashion, the desire to build a relationship with a teenager will come naturally. The first step is to take an interest in the student's life; learn about hobbies, family structure, interests, and what they are gifted in. You cannot have an ongoing relationship if you do not know about their life and you will also struggle to carry a conversation if all you can ask is, "How was school this week?" Asking questions about specific aspects of a student's life is important, but do not be afraid to stop and listen to what is on their heart.

The relational key
Being given the opportunity to have significant conversations with students does not involve a mysterious formula or collection of the right "buzz words." The biggest, and strongest, key is simply caring enough about a student to have a relationship with them. Not a relationship based on what the student can do for you or the ministry you are involved with, but a relationship based on one adult showing God's love to one student. If you have that strong relationship and listen to a student, then every once in a while you will find yourself on the listening end of a significant conversation. A conversation that just might change the future of one special teenager.

It does not matter if you are a full-time youth worker, part-time youth worker, a volunteer, a bus driver, or an "extra" adult - if you have a relationship with a student, then they will willingly talk and share with you. Most students do not talk to an adult based on the title that goes along with their name. They talk to an adult based on the relationship formed over the years. Knowing this truth and not utilizing it will lead to dozens (hundreds?) of missed opportunities to speak into a teenager's life.

Free ebook: Tear Down the Wall of the Youth Room

Nick Arnold, from ministryallies.com, has just released an ebook on connecting with students outside of the "church walls."

Here is what Nick has this to say about the ebook:

Looking for a resource filled with creative ideas to build relationships with students? This is a free resource from Ministry Allies full of relational ministry ideas, including hanging out with students, working on projects together, going to cheer on other students together, and a ton of other great ideas.

You can get the eb00k by clicking on the link. Did I mention it's FREE and full of great ideas.


(I had the privilege of being able to contribute a few ideas and comments to the ebook, along with a handful of other youth ministry minded people)

Prayer helps - to help you focus

Prayer is pretty important to a Christian. It is the avenue through which a Christian can talk directly with God (the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe) and share true emotions with the one person who had to power to really change things.

Because prayer is so important, it can be overwhelming. Students struggle to pray. Adults struggle to pray. Youth workers struggle to teach teenagers ways to pray or encourage them to start, even just for a few minutes.

Below you will find 3 prayer helps. The first 2 are methods that can be used to help a student (or anyone for that matter) focus their prayer time. The 3rd help is about focusing your prayers, but learning to focus more on other people and less on yourself when you pray.


P.I.N.C.a.P.
Praise - praise God for Who He is
Intercession - praying for other people
Needs - pray specifically for needs you know about
Confession - confessing your sins
and
Protection - asking God for protection for those who need it


A.C.T.S.
Adoration - praising God for Who He is
Confession - confessing your sins
Thanksgiving - telling God "thank you" for His blessings
Supplication - asking for "stuff" on behalf of yourself and others


me & we vs. You & them
How do you pray? Do you spend your prayer time focused on yourself and those close to you? Or is your prayer time focused more on God and others?


What ideas/helps have you used in the past? What would you suggest and add to this list?

2 Small Group Series Released - Elijah & Trusting God

I'm pretty excited about these 2 small groups. They are the first "stand-alone" small groups/lesson/curriculum material that I've written that's been published in any form other than being printed from my computer. Plus, I love the fact that they have great looking covers (its a shame they are only downloadable).

If you have used these lessons, I would love to hear what you thought.


I wrote a 4 week series on Elijah and its now available for download from Simply Youth Ministry. Follow this link: Elijah Small Group Series to get more information and to download.

Lessons include:

• Week 1 - He Was Confident in God (1 Kings 18:16-39)
• Week 2 - He Battled Fear (1 Kings 19:1-8)
• Week 3 - He Battled Loneliness (1 Kings 19:9-14)
• Week 4 - He Was a Lifelong Servant (2 Kings 2:1-11)

I also wrote a 3 week series on Trusting God and its also now available for download from Simply Youth Ministry. Follow this link: Trusting God Small Group Series to get more information and to download.

Lessons include:

• Week 1: With Your Past (1 John 4:10)
• Week 2: In the Present (Ephesians 4:22-24)
• Week 3: With Your Future (2 Corinthians 5:6-10)

5 Year Youth Ministry Contract: Students (5 of 5)

This is post #5 of the 5 Year Youth Ministry Contract. If you have not already read the first four posts, you'll want to read them before reading this one. Read the introduction first, followed by my thoughts on the youth minister difference, my thoughts on the church leadership & staff difference and then my thoughts on the church membership difference.

In this post, we will look at the difference a five-year commitment would make for the students.

The Students Difference

Anyone who has been in youth ministry for more than a few years knows that the best ministry happens after you have been at the same place for an extended period of time.

This might be the biggest difference of any we've talked about so far. I think the students will greatly benefit from knowing the youth minister will be there for at least five years. Will it make it easy for them to open up emotionally right away? No. But it will make it easier for them to trust the youth minister and know this relationship will last more than six months.

Students are used to people coming in and out of their life, which causes some of them to shut down emotionally and relationally. They do not want to open up and allow an adult to know what they really struggle with if they do not know they adult will be around in nine months. When a student knows the youth minister will be around for years, they do not have to worry about having another broken relationship with someone who claimed to care about them.

Beyond the improvement in the student/youth minister relationships, I think there is an even greater benefit for the students - one they will not immediately identify. In fact, this benefit might be one they are never able to verbalize until well after they are out of the youth ministry. The unidentifiable benefit is the intentional long-range planning for the ministry; including a systematic progression of lessons, purposeful retreats and events and an intentional discipleship ministry. Not to mention the improved ministry of the volunteers, thanks to more training and encouragement.

As students remain with the same youth minister year after year, there will be more opportunities for ministry. When talking with their friends, the students will talk highly of the youth minister and create some instant credibility among their peers. This credibility will allow the youth minister more access to minister to those friends and become a positive influence into their lives. The more students and friends of students are benefiting from the youth ministry, the impact of the youth ministry will increase exponentially. And when a tragedy occurs, the students in the community will know they can turn to your youth ministry for support and direction.

One last benefit comes from a deepening of the relationship between the youth minister and the students. As the relationships grow, I believe it will result in more memories for the students. There will be more opportunities for ongoing jokes, funny moments and more laughter. And this increased joy at youth ministry events will not only benefit the students, but also the youth minister and other adults involved.

Are there negatives for the students?

One of the only negatives I can think of would happen for those students entering high school after the youth minister's fifth year of ministry. They would be entering into a high school ministry ready to minister to their needs, but there would be no guarantee the youth minister will be there for their graduation.



What other differences do you think a five year commitment would make for the students?
Do you think the students would benefit from having a youth minister with this commitment to a local ministry?


Posts in this series:
1. The Introduction
2. The Youth Minister Difference
3. The Church Leadership/Staff Difference
4. The Church Membership Difference
5. The Students Difference

Book Review: Speaking to Teenagers by Doug Fields and Duffy Robbins

Speaking in front of children is scary, even though they are fairly forgiving. Speaking in front of adults is nerve-racking, especially if most of them are older than you. But, speaking in front of teenagers is worse. It is like swimming with sharks, while you are covered with blood and have pieces of meat attached to your feet. At least that is how some people feel about the idea of speaking to teens. But thanks to Doug Fields and Duffy Robbins (and their book "Speaking to Teenagers: How to think about, create, and deliver effective messages") you do not have to feel this way any longer.

Fields and Robbins combine their many years of experience with a large collection of research to provide a valuable resource to any adult wanting to communicate effectively with teens. This book is filled with humor, graphs, pictures of bridges, insight, real-life experience, and tips. Though the book flows from start to finish, it is possible to find the chapter dealing with an area of speaking where you need help and find the assistance you need to improve.

The first section covers the thinking part of the message preparation. This includes some great information on what needs to go into an effective message (like how to build the bridge from you to the students you want to reach). Although this step in message preparation might seem optional - Fields and Robbins build a convincing argument to its importance. The second section focuses on how to create a message that STICKs. Here you'll learn the importance of Study, Thinking, Illustrating, Constructing, and Keeping focused. Finally, the last three chapters discuss how to deliver an effective message (everything from your vocal pitch and hand gestures to the set-up of the room in which you will be speaking).

This book is a must-read for anyone who speaks to teens. You will do yourself, and the students to whom you speak, a huge favor by reading and implementing the wisdom found in these pages.


My advice (rating) – go out and buy it (4 out of 5)

Learned from Twitter: week ending August 22, 2009

Gained a few more twitter gems this week. Just had to share these ones with you. Enjoy.


1. snavenel (Len Evans) shared a great link that churches need to look at.

We Love Our Youth Worker http://www.weloveouryouthwo... 7 promises churches make to ensure they properly care for their youth worker

2. pattigibbons (Patti Gibbons) will bring a smile to your face (if you're a youth worker) with this quote from VBS.

Comment from VBS ldr after lesson on sin: "What's not fun about a room full of pre-K & K kids and a pooping snake?"

3. giveawaylist (Big List of Giveaways) posted a giveaway that could be very useful (if you won) for some great foll0w-up material for your ministry.

New giveaway listed - check it out! : 250 5X7" Custom Greeting Cards http://bit.ly/10c0VW

4. snavenel (Len Evans) suggests all youth workers (especially those who teach) read this free e-book.

Josh Hunt is giving way a free e-book Good Questions Have Groups Talking http://www.joshhunt.com/goo... great tool 4 Youth & SS teachers!

5. FlowerInTheRain (Janelle Painter) offers a great piece of advice. Read and take to heart.

Slow down. From what we know, Jesus never said, "I'm sorry, I can't help you. I need to be in Jerusalem by sundown." Pace your life.

6. AdamLehman (Adam Lehman) shared a great moment from his ministry - a "thank you" from a student. These are the things that keep a youth worker going for months.

Got my first "thank-you-for-what-youre-doing" text from a student: "Thanks for getting people together to play xbox. It was lots of fun."

What did you learn from Twitter this week?

Ministry of the Smile

Interacting with students is not always easy. Finding friendly faces at a youth event can be like finding willing adults to help with the all-nighter. But there is one thing you can do to bring out that smiling face on your students - smile at them.

A smile is an often overlooked tool in your youth ministry toolbelt.

A smile can break the tension.
A smile can cause a student to smile.
A smile can say more than words.
A smile can affirm a student's worth.
A smile can be the highlight of the event for a student.
A smile can make a student feel welcome.
A smile can start a conversation.


Smiles are free.
Smiles are limitless.
Smiles are never out of style.
Smiles are good for any occasion.
Smiles are contagious.


When was the last time you used a smile in your youth ministry? What affect did it have?

Learned from Twitter: week ending August 15, 2009

This week's edition covers last week and this week. Here are a few of the things I learned on Twitter.


1. timschmoyer (Tim Schmoyer) observed something that I agree with 100%.

The longer I'm in ministry the more I'm convinced that gossip will destroy a ministry faster than anything else.

2. HolidayWorld (Holiday World) celebrated a milestone on Aug. 3rd.

63 years ago today, Holiday World opened (Santa Claus Land till '84). Thanks to all the generations who've visited over the decades!

3. MarkMatlock (Mark Matlock) linked to an article on teens and Tweeting.

Teens Don't Tweet... Or Do They? More thinking on this hot topic ... http://tinyurl.com/llhvpq

4. uthpastor (Ryan Nielson) was one of many people who linked to an article on the sad reality that youth ministers need to be more responsible than "cool."

Youth minister indicted in teen's death. A sad reminder that being a shepherd is better than being cool. http://tinyurl.com/mz4hlb

What did you learn from Twitter this week?