Every Youth Worker Needs: Less Sarcasm

(Youth ministry is not an easy ministry. And in this series, Every Youth Worker Needs:..., I want to highlight a variety of things that might make your ministry a little easier. This ongoing series will include ministry tips, book suggestions, technology helps, and many other nuggets of advice.)

If you would have known me in high school and college, you would have a hard time believing I wrote the title of this post. Allow me to explain to you, in one sentence, what I mean. I used to be extremely sarcastic. It was simply "who I was" and how I interacted with others. In fact, it was so extreme that I lost a college roommate because he thought I was too sarcastic. We had many (probably at least one a week) conversations over my use of sarcasm and his belief that I used it a little too much. I defended myself back then and despite trying to refrain around him, I did little to change my sarcastic attitude.

Then there came this point where I actually regretted who I had become. For many years, the one word that described me was "sarcastic" and sadly, this followed me into my first ministry. It was years into my ministry before I realized just how my sarcasm was negatively affecting the students and the ministry. As easy as it was for me to be sarcastic - it was pretty second nature for me - I knew I needed to put a stop to it. I don't remember if I ever sat down with my youth ministry team, the students or the families and told them that I was going to be less sarcastic. I don't think it was as important to tell people as it was to actually change my words and attitude. And as I changed into a less sarcastic person, I could see visible changes happening within the group.

As I changed, I saw a vanishing of the distance (caused by my sarcasm) between myself and some of the people I was trying to minister to. I wonder what "could have been" during the first two years had I learned sooner. From my experience, I have seen four negatives to using sarcasm in your youth ministry.

4 negatives to using sarcasm in youth ministry.

1. Students do not know when they can trust you.
Okay, so that might be a strong, and over-the-top statement that is not true all the time, but I think its still worth thinking about. When a student asks a question or makes a statement, are they worried about what you will say in return? The more you use sarcasm in your responses, the less students want to open their mouth and say anything. Students need to know they can trust your response to their thoughts and emotions (the stuff they say and do expresses these two) and that your response will be positive or at least neutral, not damaging.

2. Someone (usually a student) gets their feelings hurt.
Sarcasm is known for being "biting." In my experience, any time it is used it results in hurt feelings. Its not the person using sarcasm that is hurt, nor those who hear it, but the person to whom it is directed toward. As a youth worker, more often than not, we tend to direct sarcasm at a student. And when this student laughs we think we have accomplished the exact opposite of hurt. In reality, we are only fooling ourselves. No student walks away from a sarcastic remark without feeling some level of pain, especially if they respect the person who said it.

3. It neither lifts up or encourages.
Youth ministry needs to be a safe place for students to be. When sarcasm is acceptable and prevalent within a youth ministry, it seizes to be a safe place. Throughout the Bible we are told to encourage each other and lift each other up. Sarcasm hinders us from showing the love of God to those who need it.

4. Simply put, it is cheap humor.
There is no way around this one. If you are looking for a cheap laugh, say something sarcastic. But is this what our youth ministries need? I don't think so. If you want to be funny, put more effort into it. And remember, you do not need to get a laugh every time you talk to someone. Your ministry is about connecting students with a loving God - not making jokes or getting students to think you are funny.


There are still occasions where sarcasm flows from my lips, but it is much fewer and far between. Not to mention, it is very rarely around a student. Yet, the very fact that I still have moments of sarcastic behavior means I need to be intentional about taming my tongue (see James 3:1-12, especially v. 10). I encourage you to take sarcasm out of your talks, out of your conversations with students, and allow your words to be an encouragement to those students you are ministering to.


(Every Youth Worker Needs: A Blog Series About Things You Need in Youth Ministry)

Trivia Wednesday #162: who buys more valentines

answer #161 - True (True or False - Over 50 percent of Valentine's Day cards are purchased in the six days prior to its observance?)

question #162 - Who purchases more valentines, men or women?



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This weekly trivia is provided for use within your youth ministry. You can use this random trivia in many ways: use it to start a conversation with a student, add it to your introduction for your lesson or message, include it in your next newsletter or email, or just randomly insert it into your daily conversations. No matter how you decide to use it, I hope this trivia knowledge can be beneficial within your youth ministry.

If you have any suggestions on topics you would like to see used for the trivia questions, just leave a comment and let me know.

Book Review: Choose Your Top 3

I really like the Quick Questions series that Youth Specialties has been publishing for the past few years (I really don't know how long). One of the more recent editions is a book called "Choose Your Top 3." As the title implies, the whole book is full of questions that ask the person to choose their top 3. It could be top 3 pop songs, disney movies, baseball players, memories. I recently wrote a review for YS on this book. You can read my review of Choose Your Top 3 in its entirety over on YS.com

If you are a youth worker, you will get a lot of use out of this book. (Think long road trips or those last few minutes of class after you run out of material.)

SYMC: a few pre-conference thoughts

This weekend, I'll be in Chicago with a few thousand other youth workers at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference.

This is the first time I've been to SYMC, though I've heard great things about the last ones I've never been able to attend. As I prepare to travel a few hours north (and a few degrees colder), I thought I'd share a few pre-conference thoughts.

1. I'm really looking forward to meeting some of the other youth ministry mentors who will be there.
2. Normally when I go to NYWC I'm volunteering in the store. This means I do not get to experience the convention as an attendee. So I'm looking forward to being just an attendee - which means I can go to what I want and skip what I want.
3. I'm blessed to be able to stay with a good friend from college and his family. I don't get to see Kevin as much as I want to, so this will be a great chance to hang out with the best Deputy RA in the world. (Maybe I can convince him to start blogging more while I'm there)
4. I'm signed up to go through the "Secrets to a Healthy Youth Ministry" deeper learning track with Mark Devries. I am excited about this.
5. Taking a tip from a friend and "conference expert" (Mindi), I'm going to try to take in one of the "Chicago-only" experiences and visit Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs.


If you are going to SYMC, I'd love to meet you. Maybe we can get some lunch or just sit and chat about ministry. See you there!

Trivia Wednesday #161: When are valentines bought

answer #160 - Esther A. Howland in the 1840's. (Who sold the first mass produced valentines in America? hint: it wasn't hallmark.)

question #161 - True or False - Over 50 percent of Valentine's Day cards are purchased in the six days prior to its observance?



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This weekly trivia is provided for use within your youth ministry. You can use this random trivia in many ways: use it to start a conversation with a student, add it to your introduction for your lesson or message, include it in your next newsletter or email, or just randomly insert it into your daily conversations. No matter how you decide to use it, I hope this trivia knowledge can be beneficial within your youth ministry.

If you have any suggestions on topics you would like to see used for the trivia questions, just leave a comment and let me know.

Jaroo.com: Hulu for kids

My kids like to watch Noonbory and the Super 7 and Busytown Mysteries on Sunday morning. Both shows are part of "Cookie Jar TV." Well, on Sunday I saw a new ad for Jaroo.com which peaked my interest.

Jaroo (tagline: always something on) is still in beta, so its not expected to be without some needed changes. But I think it could be a great site for kids and families with little kids. Basically it seems to be Hulu.com for kids. As it is still in beta form, there are only a limited number of shows available. But honestly, the list is rather full of great "classic" kids shows and some good newer shows, too.

A few shows that my family would watch include:

A Miss Mallard Mystery
Animal Crackers
Inspector Gadget
Sonic Underground
Strawberry Shortcake
Super Mario Bros
Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad - never seen it but the name sounds cool
The Legend of Zelda

See the full list here.

Like Hulu, it appears that new shows will be added later and episodes will only be online for a limited number of weeks. They have a schedule to show you what new episodes will be added in the coming weeks. Overall, I think this could be a great site to watch some cartoons online. Take a look and see if there is anything you remember from your childhood or anything your kids would like to watch. Plus, its free.

I'd love to hear what you think.

Book Review: New Breed by Jonathan & Thomas McKee

Youth ministry cannot happen without volunteers. They are the very heartbeat of what helps students connect with a loving God. Yet, most lead youth ministers will agree that finding, working with, and training volunteers is one of the toughest parts of youth ministry - if not the toughest. For all of these youth ministers who desire to gain a better grasp on volunteers, Jonathan and Thomas McKee have teamed up to offer a handbook for the 21st Century volunteer.

Thomas has over 40 years of experience in volunteer leadership and Jonathan has a variety of experience working with volunteers in church and para-church ministries. Together they have written a fantastic book on understanding and equipping the new breed of volunteers. This new approach (or philosophy, you might say) to volunteers is needed due to the changes that have taken place among those who volunteer. You cannot approach volunteers like you would a paid staff member, nor can you approach volunteers today the same way you would have 20 years ago. So, how do you approach this new breed of volunteer?

According to the Jonathan and Thomas, there are three different levels to working with volunteers: the recruiter, the manager, and the leader. Each level has aspects that are unchanged by time, but also contain aspects that must be adjusted for the 21st Century volunteer. Being a recruiter means you have to understand those you want to recruit, which is why chapter 1 is so valuable. The next three chapters are focused on how to (and how not to) recruit, along with some tips on where to look for volunteers that you might have otherwise missed.

Being a volunteer manager is about motivating and empowering volunteers. The second section will offer you ample suggestions for doing just that. But, unfortunately, being a volunteer manager is not always that easy. Jonathan and Thomas spend an entire chapter on how to manage (or fire) the high-maintenance volunteer. Finally, there is the aspect of being a volunteer leader. The final two chapters focus on leading a successful group of volunteers. You will find sound advice, encouragement, and helpful tips that you can put into practice within your ministry.

If the book ended on page 140, it would be a fantastic book on working with the new breed of volunteers. But the book does not end there, no it has over 30 more pages of resources. These are samples, suggestions and other reproducible helps that will transition the information from the book into your ministry. This last section transforms this fantastic book into an invaluable ministry resource for youth ministers. Plus, this is not a hard book to read, which is great for the busy youth minister. All of these factors add up to a must-have for any and all youth ministers.

My advice (rating) – go out and buy it (4 out of 5)

Adding Creativity to Your Ministry

An article I wrote for a series on "Creativity in Ministry" is up on YS's new site - which you need to check out if you haven't already. I would love to hear what you think about the article. How have you been able to add creativity to your ministry? What tips would you offer?




Is it okay to admit that I have had "creative youth ministry" envy in the past? I hope so, because I think I just admitted it. If you have been involved with a non-megachurch size youth ministry, then I bet you know what I am talking about. You can grow envious when you see all of the creative elements being produced by bigger ministries: message graphics, logos, websites, drama, music, curriculum and videos. It can be enough to cause a youth minister to grow discontent with what his ministry is doing.



Being part of a creative youth ministry is what most new youth workers desire. Creative youth ministries (and congregations in general) are glamorized by magazines, websites, conventions and the youth ministry world. Being creative is the goal, or at least that is how it is portrayed when the pedestal of "ministry success" is placed under these ministries. And since having the most creative youth ministry garners the attention, the young youth worker seeks after the magic chalice of creativity. What usually happens is that youth worker cannot match the megachurch, so he copies or borrows the megachurches material.



Borrowing from another ministry to make your ministry look better is not the answer. This habit can lead to simply being one step behind and never fully reaching your ministry's potential. To help the young youth worker reach a higher level of creativity, I would like to offer two pieces of advice.



Read Adding Creativity to Your Ministry in its entirety on YS's site.

February Trivia

During the month of February, the trivia questions are all focused on Valentine's Day.

Feb. 3 - When was Feb. 14 declared Valentine's Day?
Feb. 10 - First mass produced valentines.
Feb. 17 - When are most Valentine's Day cards purchased?
Feb. 24 - Who buys more valentines?

Some Valentine Day History

Here are a few facts about Valentine's Day. You can find more info on History Channel's website.

Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D.

In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s.

According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.)

In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages (written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400), and the oldest known Valentine card is on display at the British Museum.

Research reveals that more than half of the U.S. population celebrates Valentine's Day by purchasing a greeting card. (Source: Hallmark research)

188 million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine's Day the second-most popular greeting-card-giving occasion. (This total excludes packaged kids valentines for classroom exchanges.) (Source: Hallmark research)

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Trivia Wednesday #160: First mass produced valentines in US

answer #159 - C. around 498 AD (Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around what year? A. 250 AD B. 713 AD C. 498 AD)

question #160 - Who sold the first mass produced valentines in America? hint: it wasn't hallmark.



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This weekly trivia is provided for use within your youth ministry. You can use this random trivia in many ways: use it to start a conversation with a student, add it to your introduction for your lesson or message, include it in your next newsletter or email, or just randomly insert it into your daily conversations. No matter how you decide to use it, I hope this trivia knowledge can be beneficial within your youth ministry.

If you have any suggestions on topics you would like to see used for the trivia questions, just leave a comment and let me know.

Every Youth Worker Needs: Friends Their Age

(Youth ministry is not an easy ministry. And in this series, Every Youth Worker Needs:..., I want to highlight a variety of things that might make your ministry a little easier. This ongoing series will include ministry tips, book suggestions, technology helps, and many other nuggets of advice.)

As a youth worker, you spend a majority of your time with students - teenagers & preteens to be exact. These are individuals who are still in the process of figuring out who they are and what makes them unique. And for some reason, these students (well a number of them) will take time out of their busy schedules to listen to you talk, interact in discussion, put up with silly antics and laugh at out-dated cultural references. And youth workers love spending time with students because God wired it into your heart.

But we all know that these same students have a lot of growing up to do. They make impulsive decisions without thought of how it might affect someone else. They act selfishly. Some are quick to break a commitment, if something "better" comes along. And youth workers love spending time with these students because God wired it into your heart.

Being a youth worker means you spend a lot of time with students and their families. You spend time thinking about how to teach, disciple and interact with them. You spend time planning events geared toward them. You spend time praying for them. You spend time figuring out how to handle a situation they are involved with. You spend time personally talking with them. You even spend time just hanging around them. And if you are not careful, without warning, you will start spending most of your time with teenagers and very little time with adults.

Because a youth worker's work (ministry) centers around teenagers, it is extremely important to have adult friends. You need friends to hang out with who do not care what you do for a living. People who do not expect you to have "all the answers." You need time away from the teenage culture. You need to be able to talk with adults who know you as something other than a youth worker.

When was the last time you had dinner with a friend, your age? When was the last time you spent time with an adult that did not have a child in your ministry nor was involved with the youth ministry team? If it has been months (dare I say years) since you have had a true friend who was not a teenager, then you need to stop reading and make a phone call. I say that because I know what it is like to be in youth ministry and not have a close adult friend. It can become very lonely.

You can find a friend in a number of places outside the walls of your youth room. Maybe its in the class you take at the local collage. Maybe its at the gym. Maybe you meet your friend playing golf each week at the same course. Maybe you both have kids in the band or on the tennis team. Maybe its your neighbor. Maybe you will find a friend at the coffee shop you go to each day. Or maybe your new friend goes to your church but has no interest in youth ministry, whatsoever.

Just know that having a friend your age is important to your longevity in youth ministry. You need to build friendships with adults who will hold you accountable. Friends who will listen to you share frustrations and struggles. Friends who will rejoice when you rejoice. Friends who actually know what you are talking about when you mention a TV show from your high school years. Besides, if you never have adult friends you might just forget that you are an adult and not a teenager.


(Every Youth Worker Needs: A Blog Series About Things You Need in Youth Ministry)

Trivia Wednesday #159: When Feb. 14 declared Valentine's Day

answer #158 - True. (True or False - Someone was granted a patent for a new method of swinging a swing?)

question #159 - Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around what year?
A. 250 AD
B. 713 AD
C. 498 AD



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This weekly trivia is provided for use within your youth ministry. You can use this random trivia in many ways: use it to start a conversation with a student, add it to your introduction for your lesson or message, include it in your next newsletter or email, or just randomly insert it into your daily conversations. No matter how you decide to use it, I hope this trivia knowledge can be beneficial within your youth ministry.

If you have any suggestions on topics you would like to see used for the trivia questions, just leave a comment and let me know.