Saturday, September 16, 2006

Do you ever feel like its enough?

The last few weeks have brought me some time to think. This last week has been especially open to thinking with my family gone. I think I am bugged by this nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough. I wonder if "my efforts" are going to make a difference. Will my ideas or leadership or encouragement or experience really make a difference in the life of these students? Maybe my wonderings has been brought on by seeing how some of my former students are doing spiritually.

A few have little to no interaction with the local church. Some are in leadership positions, but I am not sure they are living the way they are called to live. A couple have made one or two poor decisions and are now being "outed" by the local church leadership.

I understand that spiritual growth does not happen overnight. I understand students are learning who they are and what they believe. I understand these teenage years are extremely challenging. I understand I can't force them to do the right things. I understand all of this, but I still wonder.

Did I pray for them enough?
Did I challenge them enough?
Did I encourage them enough?
Did I support their family enough?
Did I show them I cared enough?
Did I really know them?
Did I teach them enough?
Did I give them enough opportunities to grow their faith?
Did I only entertain?
Did I ...

No wonder I've had a tough time being "there" when I have been around people lately. I have been putting the weight of people's eternity on my shoulders. I have tried to carry the burden all on my own.

Am I feeling defeated? Maybe :)

Have I wondered if I can be a good YM? Yes, at times. Will I continue to serve the local church in this capacity? You bet.

I know God is working. I know God can take hold of a teenager's life and form it to be like Him. I am aware that no one will be perfect. I try to remember that forward progress will/can include setbacks.

How do you handle times where you question your ministry?

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