Thursday, August 31, 2006

welcomed but fully connected?

I have been thinking the last few days about my part in the ministry here at my church. I feel very welcomed and accepted. I feel like I am part of the team, but to what extent? I catch myself feeling like an outsider. Feeling as though I do not belong. Feeling like I am not ready for this. Yet, I feel that things are already happening. I sense God using me to help facilitate changes that draw people to Him.

Are my feelings of being unconnected coming from some insecurity? Are they coming from within me or are they from outside me?

I get the sense that I still have apprehensions about leadership, based on my past experiences. I do not want to assume I will be treated the same way. I have actually been shown I won't be, based on conversations I have already had. Yet, in the back of my mind I wonder. Are people being honest with me? Am I doing the right things? Am I doing what God is calling me to in this particular situation? Have I been open and thoughtful or cold and careless?

All questions that I hope bring me to a stronger faith. Questions I want answers for (though I wonder if I'm ready for them). Questions I pray lead me to a place of stronger, more effective ministry.

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