to quote someone else: Mike King (behavior modification & authenticity)

"When we engage in behavior modification techniques to achieve certain results, we nurture environments of hypocrisy and deception, training young people to pretend to be spiritual and to give the 'right' answers regardless of what they really think. We leave little room for openness and honesty."

taken from Presence-Centered Youth Ministry by Mike King

It seems like it is easier to go for the quick "fixes" than wait for the lasting change that comes from a transformation of the heart. A lot of youth ministers feel pressure to have the students look and act a certain way. Pressure from parents, church leadership, other youth ministers, or from within their own minds. Most of us would say our desired goal is the long-term transformation. We all want students to stay faithful and true throughout their life, not just until the graduate.

Is your ministry an environment of hypocrisy and deception? Is mine?

How do you keep your ministry from getting to this point? If a ministry is already there, how do you change to one of openness and honesty?

Here are a few quick thoughts:
1. Ask open-ended questions to help the student think. When you are asking questions, do you want a certain answer or are you willing to let the students be open and honest? Do the students know you do not want them to say the "right" answer? You have a lot of power in the way you word a question or how you ask it. Next time you are writing your questions or preparing the lesson, try not to word it in such a way to only have one right answer.
2. Next time someone shares honestly, thank them for being honest and open.
3. Build relationships with the students. This needs to be you along with your youth coaches who get to know each student.
4. Never laugh at a student who opens up about a private issue or struggle.
5. Remember the Christian life is a journey. One with setbacks and leaps forward (some within days of each other).
6. Pray that your ministry will be a place of authenticity and compassion, not hypocrisy and deception.
7. Allow God to work in the students' lives, its not your job to fix them.
8. If you need to, take time at a scheduled program (Sunday school, youth meetings, etc) and apologize for allowing the ministry to reach a point where the only acceptable action is the "Sunday school" one. Be open about your desire for the ministry to be one of authenticity and safety.